This weeks travels

This week Shaun and I will be going our seperate ways as I head to Iowa for a much anticipated family reunion and he embarks on a mountain climbing adventure!

I leave on Wednesday with the girls to drive 12 hours to Orange City, Iowa to have a fun long weekend with my dad's side of the family.  One of my cousins lives in Ft. Collins, CO and she and her husband are going to take the long drive with us. I am so thankful for them because I don't think I could have made it out to Iowa all by myself with 15 month twins! I'm looking forward to seeing all of my relatives, most of whom I haven't seen since before we were married.

Which brings me to my next point....this Saturday marks our 5th Anniversary! It will be the first time Shaun and I have spent our anniversary apart, but such is life I guess. It will also be the first time we haven't celebrated by staying one night in the Glen Eyrie Castle. I think we are just going to postpone that until much later in the summer when things calm down a little bit. It has been a roller coaster ride for the past 5 years, but I have been blessed to ride that coaster with a wonderful Godly man. Life has thrown us things that we did not expect but I'm very happy to say that the trials and the pain, as well as the joy and beauty of marriage have only grown us closer. Here is a little blast from the past to remember that special day :-)

This week Shaun will be finishing up four weeks of Excursions staff training by going on what we call Staff-X. It's a time of reflection, bonding, and fun for the 14 college staff that will soon be leading groups of campers on wilderness adventures. They will be traveling a few hours west to camp at the base of a 14,000 ft mountain. Early on Wednesday morning they will wake up to summit the peak and then be put on a 24 hour SOLO in the wilderness  in order to have a time of rest and reflection. This will be the first summer I have not been able to go on Staff-X with the Excursions staff so I am sad to miss out, but I know they will have a wonderful time in God's magnificent creation. Starting next Sunday we look forward to welcoming the first group of Excursions campers to Eagle Lake for what we pray will be a summer when many lives are changed and molded after Christ.

One small step

We are so relieved to report that today's court hearing moved us one small step closer to adopting the girls! The judge ruled to begin moving slowly toward termination of the birth mother's parental rights. There is still not a lot of strong evidence for or against the birth mother, but there was enough against her today to make the judge see that this is the direction that things need to start moving.

Our prayers are still that the girls' birth mother would get out of the darkness that she is living in, but we also realize that being their parent is most likely not what is best for the girls. Only God knows the outcome but we are so thankful for the news we received today. The coming weeks will be much easier to handle.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Today I find myself thinking a lot about the journey we have been on for almost 2 1/2 years and the journey that so many other women find themselves on. Mother's Day is a wonderful way to celebrate the mothers in our lives. Both Shaun and I are blessed with wonderful mothers who gave sacrificially for and to us as we were growing up and now continue to give of themselves to their grandchildren and adult children. I want to celebrate the special women in my life who have been blessed as mothers.

However, I know the pain that Mother's Day means for so many women who have experienced infertility, miscarriages, or the death of a child. That journey often means a Mother's Day filled with tears, avoiding church because it is too painful, and wondering if the longing you feel for a child will ever be fulfilled. I know that pain first hand and I don't ever want to forget about it. I still feel it sometimes because my identity as a mother is not set in stone. Each day I rise to the sweet chatter of 14 month twin girls who are mine in my heart, but not in the eyes of the law. I live with the fear of losing these sweet girls, but I have also had my hearts desire fulfilled as we've embarked on the journey of foster care. The pain in my heart has lessened over the past year and I thank God for that.

If you are reading this and are a woman who longs for a child but God has not granted you that desire, I hope you know that God still loves you with an everlasting love. He sees your pain and is right there holding you up with His right hand giving you strength for THIS day. The emotions you experience are real and even though no one else on earth may understand exactly what you are feeling, God knows. He has a purpose. It took me a long to believe that for myself, but as I've seen Him working in our lives He has proven Himself faithful.

A friend of mine who has also traveled the road of infertility recently reminded me of this hymn. The lyrics are poignant and true. Sometimes it just takes time to see the truth.

Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under his wings, yes, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how all thy longings have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

From "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty"

Update on the Continuing Foster Care Saga

There was a court hearing yesterday which we were hoping would bring clarity as to which direction the case would be going from here on out. Ultimately, the judge ruled that he wants to give the girls' birthmother more time to either prove or disprove if she is a fit parent. So, we will have another hearing at the end of May at which time we should know whether or not things are moving toward termination of birth parent rights or toward reunification with the birth parent.

It seemed evident yesterday that the judge tends to be swayed strongly toward birth parent rights and having them meet minimum requirements in order to get their children back. However, the other professionals on the case seem to agree that the birth mother has had a really bad history with her other children and that she is not really making any real changes that would make her a fit parent for the twins. So, we continue to pray that the truth will be revealed over the course of the next couple of months. There is a very likely possibility that I will be bringing the girls for even more visits with their birth mother because the judge wants to give her more hours with them to see if she has indeed made improvements in her parenting. Visits are always really hard so I will need extra strength and courage to do what is required. Only by God's grace can we travel this difficult road.

No Thief Like Fear

 Some lyrics to a song by Jason Gray have been resonating with me the last couple of days. I leave you with the lyrics below, but first, let me tell you why the words have meant so much to me. Over the past month or so, I have begun to realize that one of the greatest sins in my life is fear. I've always been the worrying type, thinking of the worst case scenario when my thoughts start to get the best of me. However, I've never really been convicted of the sin in this until now. Through a women's Bible study I'm in I've realized my need to learn what it means to fear the Lord and nothing else. My most urgent prayer is to be released from the bondage of fear and worry. It is possible to live in freedom from those sins but I've never really believed that until now. Enjoy the lyrics- they are really powerful!

"No Thief Like Fear"

Fear will take the best of us
Then come back for the rest of us
Its raging hunger never satisfied
It’s closer than a brother
And more jealous than a lover
Who holds you while it swallows you alive
Let down your guard
And it will steal your heart

There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I’ve tried to blame bureaucracy
The weak-knees of hypocrisy
And the cruel and shifting winds of circumstance
But I know insecurity
Is the worst of my own enemies
He sings his lonely song and I will dance
As he robs me blind
Right before my eyes

There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Set me free, set me free
Oh my God set me free
From these chains holding me
Oh my God set me free

There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I am free, I am free
Oh my God has set me free
From these chains I am released
For my God has set me free

I am free, I am free
Oh my God has rescued me
From these chains I am released
For my God has set me free

Update on Life

Things are getting busy around here as we gear up for another summer with Eagle Lake Camp. Shaun is in the midst of hiring the summer staff who will serve as counselors for the kids who come to camp. So far he has filled more than half of the positions and only has 3 more guys to hire. For some reason the girls positions always fill faster...I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that the females ALWAYS turn their applications in 1-2 months before the guys typically do?? This has been a noticeable pattern since we started in 2009!

We are really looking forward to another summer of camp life. It is such a blessing to live in community with the rest of the Eagle Lake staff for those 4 months. The summer is a rich time of spiritual growth and challenge. It will also be fun to have the girls up there with us. They will most likely be walking all over the place by then!

Speaking of the girls, they will turn 1 in exactly one week! It's crazy to think about how much they have changed in the past few months. It was only Christmas that they were not even crawling and now they are moving around and doing everything but walking on their own. They are a joy and a delight and we often lay in bed at night and remark to each other how stinkin' cute our little girlies are!

I am keeping busy at home going through a similar routine each day. I love my time with the twins but trying to maintain a somewhat organized and clean space as well as provide wholesome meals for my family can prove challenging at times. I've found that I don't enjoy cooking as much as I used to because I have to manage fussy girls each afternoon as well as try and get a meal prepared. One of these days it will get easier again. When does that late afternoon fussiness end? Whenever that is, I'm looking forward to it! Lately I have really enjoyed the beautiful Colorado weather with 1-2 walks each day. The girls seem to also enjoy the great outdoors as long as the wind isn't blowing too hard!

We are also happy to report that our visits with the girls' paternal grandmother went really well. We are greatly encouraged and it seems like she is really starting to trust us and is becoming very open to the idea of us keeping the girls rather than trying to raise them herself. Time will tell. We continue to have open communication with her and to send her pictures and videos. Thank you for all your prayers!

Meeting with the girls' paternal grandmother

Over the next couple of days Shaun and I will be taking the girls to a couple of visits with their paternal grandmother. We have been in direct communication with her over the past couple of weeks and now she has flown in from out of state to spend some time with her grandchildren. We are praying that as she spends time with us and with the girls she will begin to trust us and see that we are really serious about wanting her to be in the girls' lives. Right now she seems determined to try and get custody of the girls because she doesn't believe that we would honor our word when we tell her that we want her to always be their grandmother and to have contact with them.
We are continuing to trust in God's sovereignty and we hope and pray that He will perform a miracle in the grandmother's heart this week. Will you join us in praying the same thing?