Nothing Is Wasted

From the ruins

From the ashes

Beauty will rise

From the wreckage

From the darkness

Glory will shine

Nothing is wasted

Nothing is wasted

In the hands of our Redeemer

Nothing is wasted

The lyrics of this song keep ringing through my head as I reflect on the events of the past 2 weeks. I have read so many beautiful posts from others that put into words so much of what I've been feeling. I wonder if I will even be able to express some what has happened in such a way, but I want to try.

From the ruins, from the ashes, beauty will rise. What a beautiful thought. As I drove up to Eagle Lake with Shaun on Thursday, I was able to see the extent of the fire damage. There were areas that literally had nothing left except blackened, burned tree trunks. No green. No life. Anywhere. There are homes that have all the trees and grass leading up to their backyards completely burned, but by some miracle, their home is still standing. Then, there are homes completely leveled, resembling the scene of a bomb zone from a sci-fi movie. Those families will feel the impact of this fire for months and years to come and my heart grieves for them.

Houses burning in the neighborhood just across the street from us (Photo courtesy of Canon City Daily Record)

So many stories we've heard have had a similar theme...."When we left our home on Tuesday afternoon we felt certain that there would not be a home to return to." God certainly put His hand of protection on thousands because the fire had the potential to do so much more damage than it did.

Now we look to the rest of the summer anticipating the good that God will bring out of this devastation. Our hearts are heavy with the thought of the hundreds of kids who are saddened and disappointed because they won't get to come to camp. Eagle Lake will not be the tool God uses to reach the hearts of those kids, but we pray that He touches them in some other way. We are grateful that Glen Eyrie was spared and that ministry can continue through that property. We will continue with the day camp program for the remainder of the summer as well as launching the new Mobile Day Camp in a couple of different locations. One of the Excursions programs will also continue because it is a program that involves hiking five 14ers in the Collegiate Peaks and that area is a couple hours away from the burn area.

Shaun and the rest of the Eagle Lake staff are moving forward, looking to what needs to be done to provide impactful camp experiences in the summers to come. Some of the areas that we have always used for our adventure activities will likely need to be changed so Shaun will be looking into that and scouting out potential new hiking and biking routes.

Next spring when new life begins to grow in the blackened, dead areas, it will be such an exciting time. We will see God's creative hand at work in new ways. God will use the brokenness, the heartache, the unexpected losses, to bring about His beauty in His ways. For the earth, for Eagle Lake Camp, for all those who lost their homes.

Effects of the Waldo Canyon Fire

It has been almost a full week since the Waldo Canyon Fire began to burn just a few miles from Eagle Lake Camp. Thinking back on it, we really didn't think it was going to be something that would keep us off of the Eagle Lake property for long. All the families packed a few bags of stuff but now I wish I had stuffed my van full before leaving.

This week had been a bit of a blur. After evacuating from camp we moved back into our townhome thinking we would just hold tight there for as long as we needed. We were preparing ourselves for the worst at camp but we really didn't think our home in Colorado Springs was in danger. Then on Tuesday afternoon everything changed. A storm rolled through the area that had very high winds. The fire exploded into a raging fury, rolling down the hills just a couple miles from our home. In a matter of 30 minutes our neighborhood went from a peaceful area far from danger, to a smoke filled, wind gusting, panic stricken place. It is hard to describe how quickly it changed and how scared we felt, but as we were driving away, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic as over 32,000 people were trying to leave one small area at once, I have never felt so close to my own death. I am truly amazed that there were not deaths reported the following morning.

Once we got to the home of the wonderful family who took us in on very short notice, we all sat around the TV, watching in disbelief as billows of smoke and raging fire ravaged through the neighborhood we just left 2 hours before. We felt fairly certain that the fire must have reached our townhome but then a picture came on the TV that confirmed it had not crossed the street and was indeed being held back from burning everything we owned. It was still incredibly difficult to watch as hundreds of homes less than 1/4 mile from us went up in flames. Lots of Navigator families and families from our church live in the area that was burning so we knew our community would be greatly impacted.

Monday and Tuesday were also days of wondering whether or not Eagle Lake Camp was still standing or if the fire had destroyed that property as well. It was difficult to think too far beyond what was happening in the present because I couldn't really fathom losing the opportunity to minister at Eagle Lake with the rest of the staff. It made me so sad to think that the impact of Eagle Lake could come to an end in a matter of days but I also knew that God calls even good things to come to an end sometimes.

I am happy to report that God performed a miracle this week by preserving Eagle Lake in awesome ways! All of the buildings (with the exception of a few cabins/tents) are still standing and much of the land is still green. The firefighters who are on that property truly did an incredible job of preserving a place that means a great deal to thousands of people. We were all able to see pictures of what the property looks like, and we all see the hand of God at work. He is doing a new thing and we are excited to see what the future holds. As of right now, even next week is still unknown but we trust in a God who knows the past, present, and the future.

This weeks travels

This week Shaun and I will be going our seperate ways as I head to Iowa for a much anticipated family reunion and he embarks on a mountain climbing adventure!

I leave on Wednesday with the girls to drive 12 hours to Orange City, Iowa to have a fun long weekend with my dad's side of the family.  One of my cousins lives in Ft. Collins, CO and she and her husband are going to take the long drive with us. I am so thankful for them because I don't think I could have made it out to Iowa all by myself with 15 month twins! I'm looking forward to seeing all of my relatives, most of whom I haven't seen since before we were married.

Which brings me to my next point....this Saturday marks our 5th Anniversary! It will be the first time Shaun and I have spent our anniversary apart, but such is life I guess. It will also be the first time we haven't celebrated by staying one night in the Glen Eyrie Castle. I think we are just going to postpone that until much later in the summer when things calm down a little bit. It has been a roller coaster ride for the past 5 years, but I have been blessed to ride that coaster with a wonderful Godly man. Life has thrown us things that we did not expect but I'm very happy to say that the trials and the pain, as well as the joy and beauty of marriage have only grown us closer. Here is a little blast from the past to remember that special day :-)

This week Shaun will be finishing up four weeks of Excursions staff training by going on what we call Staff-X. It's a time of reflection, bonding, and fun for the 14 college staff that will soon be leading groups of campers on wilderness adventures. They will be traveling a few hours west to camp at the base of a 14,000 ft mountain. Early on Wednesday morning they will wake up to summit the peak and then be put on a 24 hour SOLO in the wilderness  in order to have a time of rest and reflection. This will be the first summer I have not been able to go on Staff-X with the Excursions staff so I am sad to miss out, but I know they will have a wonderful time in God's magnificent creation. Starting next Sunday we look forward to welcoming the first group of Excursions campers to Eagle Lake for what we pray will be a summer when many lives are changed and molded after Christ.

One small step

We are so relieved to report that today's court hearing moved us one small step closer to adopting the girls! The judge ruled to begin moving slowly toward termination of the birth mother's parental rights. There is still not a lot of strong evidence for or against the birth mother, but there was enough against her today to make the judge see that this is the direction that things need to start moving.

Our prayers are still that the girls' birth mother would get out of the darkness that she is living in, but we also realize that being their parent is most likely not what is best for the girls. Only God knows the outcome but we are so thankful for the news we received today. The coming weeks will be much easier to handle.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Today I find myself thinking a lot about the journey we have been on for almost 2 1/2 years and the journey that so many other women find themselves on. Mother's Day is a wonderful way to celebrate the mothers in our lives. Both Shaun and I are blessed with wonderful mothers who gave sacrificially for and to us as we were growing up and now continue to give of themselves to their grandchildren and adult children. I want to celebrate the special women in my life who have been blessed as mothers.

However, I know the pain that Mother's Day means for so many women who have experienced infertility, miscarriages, or the death of a child. That journey often means a Mother's Day filled with tears, avoiding church because it is too painful, and wondering if the longing you feel for a child will ever be fulfilled. I know that pain first hand and I don't ever want to forget about it. I still feel it sometimes because my identity as a mother is not set in stone. Each day I rise to the sweet chatter of 14 month twin girls who are mine in my heart, but not in the eyes of the law. I live with the fear of losing these sweet girls, but I have also had my hearts desire fulfilled as we've embarked on the journey of foster care. The pain in my heart has lessened over the past year and I thank God for that.

If you are reading this and are a woman who longs for a child but God has not granted you that desire, I hope you know that God still loves you with an everlasting love. He sees your pain and is right there holding you up with His right hand giving you strength for THIS day. The emotions you experience are real and even though no one else on earth may understand exactly what you are feeling, God knows. He has a purpose. It took me a long to believe that for myself, but as I've seen Him working in our lives He has proven Himself faithful.

A friend of mine who has also traveled the road of infertility recently reminded me of this hymn. The lyrics are poignant and true. Sometimes it just takes time to see the truth.

Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under his wings, yes, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how all thy longings have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

From "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty"

Update on the Continuing Foster Care Saga

There was a court hearing yesterday which we were hoping would bring clarity as to which direction the case would be going from here on out. Ultimately, the judge ruled that he wants to give the girls' birthmother more time to either prove or disprove if she is a fit parent. So, we will have another hearing at the end of May at which time we should know whether or not things are moving toward termination of birth parent rights or toward reunification with the birth parent.

It seemed evident yesterday that the judge tends to be swayed strongly toward birth parent rights and having them meet minimum requirements in order to get their children back. However, the other professionals on the case seem to agree that the birth mother has had a really bad history with her other children and that she is not really making any real changes that would make her a fit parent for the twins. So, we continue to pray that the truth will be revealed over the course of the next couple of months. There is a very likely possibility that I will be bringing the girls for even more visits with their birth mother because the judge wants to give her more hours with them to see if she has indeed made improvements in her parenting. Visits are always really hard so I will need extra strength and courage to do what is required. Only by God's grace can we travel this difficult road.

No Thief Like Fear

 Some lyrics to a song by Jason Gray have been resonating with me the last couple of days. I leave you with the lyrics below, but first, let me tell you why the words have meant so much to me. Over the past month or so, I have begun to realize that one of the greatest sins in my life is fear. I've always been the worrying type, thinking of the worst case scenario when my thoughts start to get the best of me. However, I've never really been convicted of the sin in this until now. Through a women's Bible study I'm in I've realized my need to learn what it means to fear the Lord and nothing else. My most urgent prayer is to be released from the bondage of fear and worry. It is possible to live in freedom from those sins but I've never really believed that until now. Enjoy the lyrics- they are really powerful!

"No Thief Like Fear"

Fear will take the best of us
Then come back for the rest of us
Its raging hunger never satisfied
It’s closer than a brother
And more jealous than a lover
Who holds you while it swallows you alive
Let down your guard
And it will steal your heart

There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I’ve tried to blame bureaucracy
The weak-knees of hypocrisy
And the cruel and shifting winds of circumstance
But I know insecurity
Is the worst of my own enemies
He sings his lonely song and I will dance
As he robs me blind
Right before my eyes

There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Set me free, set me free
Oh my God set me free
From these chains holding me
Oh my God set me free

There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
There’s no thief like fear, no
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I am free, I am free
Oh my God has set me free
From these chains I am released
For my God has set me free

I am free, I am free
Oh my God has rescued me
From these chains I am released
For my God has set me free