Worry and Rest

One year ago I was filled with hopes of having a baby. What seems so easy for most has been very difficult for us. It's been a year of whirlwind emotions, crushed dreams, many tears, and lots of prayer. Now we can even technically say that we have infertility since the definition of infertility is trying to conceive for 12 months with no pregnancy achievement.

Through it all, I know God has been molding us and making us into who He ultimately wants us to become. I have struggled to keep my hope alive and to find my true peace and rest in Him alone. Just this morning I was reading an article entitled, "Thinking Biblically About Worry". It proved to be a very timely article for my heart. I want to share a few nuggets of wisdom from this article that I plan on meditating on and praying over through the course of the next days. I think God is speaking very clearly to me right now and challenging me in some of my worries and constant struggles.

"Worry and rest always reveals the true treasures of your heart. You will rest the most when what you treasure the most is secure, and you will worry the most when what you treasure the most is at risk. What does your world of worry reveal about the true treasures of your heart?
Wow, that statement blew me away! For me, the answer is this....my world of worry for the past 12 months has been focused on whether God is going to bless us with children. My heart's treasure has rested on my great desire for children, rather than on His kingdom alone.

"Your life is always shaped by what you tell yourself you need. If need means "essential for life" to call something a need is a significant heart commitment. If you are convinced that something is a need, then it seems right to expect that you will have it and it seems natural to worry that you may not get it. Perhaps one of the sloppiest words used by human beings is the word need. The vast majority of the things we call needs are not needs. And Jesus would argue that the things that are true needs our heavenly Father will graciously provide."
Again, a dagger to my heart (a much needed dagger!). I realized as I read these words that I have convinced myself that my "need" for children is so great that I can never feel fulfilled and happy without it. However, I have misplaced my treasures. My greatest treasure has not been for my heavenly Father, but rather for a certain set of circumstances that I think I need to be happy.

"I am deeply persuaded that real, lasting personal rest of heart is never to be found in ease of circumstances. Even in the best of situations in this fallen world your heart will be able to find reasons for worry. Inner rest of soul and lasting peace of heart are only ever found when Jesus and His kingdom are your highest and deepest treasures. When you place your identity in His never-changing hands, when you find your meaning and purpose in the unstoppable work of His kingdom, and when you place your inner sense of well-being on the sure foundation of His promise to meet your every need, you will be able to rest even when the situations and relationships around you are broken."
I feel so far from this, but it is my deepest prayer and longing. I don't want to live in the place I've been for a year. I desire to find inner rest of soul and lasting peace of heart. May God mold me now into a woman who can rest in His hands.

For me, the struggle has been infertility, but I know that worry pervades all of our lives at one time or another because we are sinners in need of God's mercy and grace. I hope these words have been a comfort and encouragement to you, wherever you are in life's journey.


Excerpts taken from an article in "Tabletalk" magazine, January 2010 issue, written by Dr. Paul David Tripp