A Bump in the Road

Friday I had an ultrasound. The purpose of this ultrasound was to give the fertility doc a baseline to know what he's dealing with, specifically regarding whether or not I have cysts on my ovaries again. He told us that if the cysts were too large that I would need to be put on Depot Lupron for a little while and then have the cysts drained in order to proceed with the frozen embryo transfer.

My ultrasound revealed 2 large cysts. The one on my right ovary is bigger than the left at almost 8 cm. I gave that information to the doctor and he was very concerned that if we proceed with the fertility medications I have to be on for a month before the transfer that the cysts and endometriosis will only grow and then if I got pregnant and the cysts ruptured I could lose the baby and have other complications.

I almost started to cry on the phone with the nurse at the clinic because that was not the news I wanted to hear. I really hate the thought of surgery again but I also don't want to lose the baby if I were to get pregnant. I felt despair, like we had reached the end of the road because I only saw the $$$ that these extra procedures and medications would end up costing. We are coming to the end of our insurance with the Navigators and we were really hoping to get all the big procedures out of the way before the end of August. I went home and cried with Shaun and he and I prayed and talked over the next 24 hours about how we should proceed.

We decided we would rather walk ahead in faith and trust in the Lord and His provision, rather than fear and doubt. We know God promises to provide our needs if we seek His kingdom first. Now, a few days later I am still feeling very overwhelmed by this new bump in the road. There are a lot of appointments to make, coordinating between the clinic in Michigan with my local gynecologist, and now the possibility of adding another doctor into the mix because I may need a local fertility specialist to perform the procedure to drain my cysts.

I came to a realization tonight that the reason I am struggling so much with this news is because I really believed that the Lord would make this a smooth road. I knew before the ultrasound that all of this was a possibility but I didn't really think it was a possibility in MY case because I believed that God would prevent me from needing further medical treatment in order to allow me to give these embryo babies life. It's been good to recognize this in myself and go before the Lord with my sin. I am not God and I don't understand His ways. I can only walk with Him as He leads us on this path, taking one step at a time, one phone call at a time, one doctors appointment at a time until He either closes the door or we have the privilege of bringing a baby home.

I pray that God gives me courage to face each new test, phone call, procedure because this is the path we have chosen and believe He has guided us to.