One week from today, Shaun and I will be boarding our plane to head to Michigan for the initial patient appointment at the fertility clinic. I am relieved that we are almost at that point because I have a lot of questions that won't be answered until we can speak with the doctor who will be performing the embryo transfer.
I find myself often wondering what the fate of these 4 embryo babies is. How many will survive the thaw? Will ANY survive the thaw? What will our next step be if this first try isn't successful?
I feel a responsibility to these 4 frozen lives and I just hope it all goes smoothly. But, ultimately I rest in the sovereignty of God. He knows each of those babies by name. He knows if any of them will ever walk upon this earth on this side of heaven. He knows the children He has for our family. It's exciting to imagine the possibilities and realize our family could be welcoming a new addition within the year. Yet, I brace myself at the same time, knowing this could all end with no babies in our arms, and all 4 in heaven. Lately I have also been feeling incredibly thankful for the 2 sweet girls who already fill my arms each day. This process would probably be much more difficult on me if I wasn't already a mom.
Don't think I am preparing myself for bad news. I trust the Lord to give us what is for His glory and our good. I guess I am just enough of a realist to know it may not end how we hope. I am mostly just thankful to be given this opportunity to give life to these babies and experience pregnancy at the same time.
I promise to post another update when we return from Michigan next week!
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