A year ago....

A year ago we got a call out of the blue. It was our foster care agency asking us if we would consider taking a newborn baby boy who was coming home from the hospital the next day. We hadn't expressed any interest in taking more placements at that time so we were shocked at the question. A baby wasn't on our radar at the moment. In fact, 2 months before I had undergone my first ever surgery to treat severe endometriosis and we were really hoping that we would be able to conceive naturally after that surgery. A year ago, I was once again in the midst of eating healthy and praying fervently for a biological child, specifically for a son.

Then, we get the call about this boy and my heart couldn't bear the thought of saying no. Shaun didn't feel the same. He had all sorts of practical reasons why it wasn't a good time. I couldn't think practically when I knew a newborn needed a home! We had 12 hours to decide. It was the hardest decision of our married life so far because we knew that if we said yes, it could mean forever.

The next morning we woke and still were not on the same page, but miraculously, after much prayer, we came to an agreement to say yes. We would put our trust in the Lord and believe this baby boy could be the answer to my prayers for a son. Baby Thomas came to us late that night. Shaun's heart immediately melted at the sight of such a vulnerable, tiny human being. I sprung into action, caring for him, getting out all the bottles and other baby stuff we would need, telling myself not to fall in love because we didn't know how long he'd be with us.

As it turns out, we only had Baby Thomas for 5 days. It was a sweet time, but I am thankful it was so short. I cried when I said goodbye to him, but it was more because of how hard foster care is, not knowing the future and loving and losing, than it was about my sadness over losing Thomas. I drove away from Thomas, his grandma, and his daddy thinking, "I can't do this foster care thing anymore. I can't bear loving and losing baby after baby. I think this is it for us."

I went home and shared my thoughts with Shaun. We agreed to pray and see where the Lord was leading. In the end, having Baby Thomas allowed us to close the chapter on foster care and it led us to begin praying about how God would grow our family from there.

I continued to pray for a son and I began reading more about adoption. Four years before I had read about embryo adoption but it didn't seem right for us. Now, maybe it was. I showed Shaun some videos. We prayed. We decided it was a good direction for us.

Now I sit here, pregnant with our son (and our daughter!). I am in awe of how God works, how he has given life to these babies that were frozen for 4 years, how he has knit our family and given me the chance to experience all the joys (and discomforts) of pregnancy:-)