In honor of my twin girls

Today's post is in honor of the two little ladies whom I have the privilege of mothering each and every day. There was a time not too long ago that I wondered why God gave me such a strong desire to be a mother if He would withhold that blessing. Then, on July 20, 2011, I met for the first time two blond haired, blue eyed, tiny babies who stole my heart right away. They just felt like ours! Fourteen months went by as I loved them as my own even though there was another woman who called herself mommy, who saw them three times a week, who loved them in her own way but in the end just couldn't be the kind of mother that they needed. Katie and Addie, you made me a mommy, the only title I ever really wanted. I feel so blessed and privileged to wake up and get to spend each day with you.

 I have been pondering how I will respond if next week I don't get a positive pregnancy test (even though I am fully expecting and planning for a positive!). I feel very confident and hopeful, but I also know I am not God and cannot say for sure what is going to happen. The past 4 years have had their share of heartaches for me as we walked through infertility, then we started foster care and had to say goodbye to all four of the little boys who were entrusted to us even though we would have happily adopted any of them. Knowing that Katie and Addie are permanently part of our family and that I will forever be their mommy has made all of that heartache worth it. It has also helped me to realize that if for whatever reason, a baby isn't the end result of this journey, I will be okay. If we were going through this and it was our last shot at becoming parents I know it would be hard on a whole different level. The Lord has taught me much about contentment. I can and will be content with the family He has given me no matter what. I'm sure I will still grieve if these baby embryos don't survive but I completely trust God's plan for them and for us. It's a great place to be!