Nothing was as I'd hoped

As I reflect on the past month (crazy that on Sunday that babies will be a month old!) I realize that nothing about the birth of Joel and Elaina was as I'd hoped. I knew having twins made it much less likely that a natural birth experience would be possible, but I also never imagined it going the way that it did.

My water broke early which was totally unexpected. My doctor had even thought I'd for sure carry to term based on how things were looking. Both babies had to spend days, even weeks, in the NICU. Instead of being able to hold them right after birth and breastfeed right away, they were taken to the NICU where they were given donor breast milk with a bottle, and even eventually some formula. I was told I should not breastfeed more than once or twice a day because the babies needed to reserve their strength, so I ended up hooked to a pump for hours a day. I didn't even own a pump because I thought I'd be able to exclusively breastfeed, so we ended up renting one from the hospital.

Breastfeeding was very challenging because of the NICU environment: no privacy, babies hooked up to multiple tubes/wires, my inexperience causing awkward clumsiness, and various nurses/lactation consultants giving me conflicting information. And last but not least, both babies coming home on oxygen which has really limited what we are able to do. They are both attached to a 25 foot tube which gives me about 50 feet of mobility with them during the day. It has caused much frustration and even some tears on my part because I don't want to miss out on summer fun with the older girls because of these darn oxygen tubes!

But, even with all of those unexpected difficulties, we are doing well. I am so thrilled to report that we have gotten to the place where both babies are exclusively tandem breastfeeding. No more pumping/bottles unless necessary because we are going out somewhere! Can I get an AMEN! After the past few weeks I have so much respect for women who choose to pump because for whatever reason they are unable to breastfeed. I can't imagine doing that for months or even a year like some women do. It is a sacrifice and commitment that is really remarkable.

Both babies are also gaining weight really well. Last week Elaina was 5 lb 15 oz and Joel was 5 lb 5 oz. They are both growing out of their preemie clothes and moving onto newborn one outfit at a time. We are so thankful to have good little eaters because with Katie and Addie it was always a struggle to get them to drink their bottles. We don't have that problem with these two. I have a feeling they will be little chunkers before we know it.

So, things may not have gone my way, but God is still good. He has been with us each tiring day and night, and we are so thankful for these two sweet souls who have been added to our family.

Here are a few fun pictures to leave you with....

 Addie and Elaina getting to know eachother on her first day home

 So tiny and sweet

Showing off their blankets made by Oma

The past 2 weeks in pictures

My water broke at 35 weeks 3 days. Here I am at the hospital, knowing it wouldn't be long before we'd meet our babies!

Meeting Joel and Elaina for the first time

Joel says "Hi" from the NICU

so does Elaina :-)

The day I got discharged was bittersweet. Very hard to leave my babies behind but also knew it was definitely for the best.

Big sisters and Oma and Opa meet the twins for the first time

Homecoming number one with Elaina on Sunday May 31st

Homecoming number two with Joel on Wednesday June 3rd. So thankful to have my family all together under one roof and to no longer be making multiple hospital trips every day.

This is from today after working on tandem nursing. Babies are 2 weeks old. I am content (and sometimes a bit overwhelmed!)

8 days old

Whew, what a week it has been! My water broke quite unexpectedly last Thursday morning at 2 AM. I was 35 weeks 3 days. We headed into the hospital knowing that our babies would soon be arriving. Elaina Margaret and Joel Robert were born at 5:02 and 5:04 AM on May 21st via c-section. What a joy to hear their vigorous cries as the doctor pulled them from my belly.

Elaina weighed 4 lb 8 oz and Joel weighed 4 lb 6 oz. She was also 3/4 inch taller than him which probably accounts for those 2 extra ounces. They were taken right to the NICU for the mandatory 12 hour watch required for all babies born before 37 weeks. At first it seemed like they were doing really well, and after 24 hours were allowed to room in with me. Shaun and I had the privilege of being their primary caretakers for 2 full days before our tiny babies just couldn't do it all on their own anymore. Their temperatures were not staying stable, they weren't eating enough, Joel had unstable blood sugars, and Elaina needed oxygen. All of these things are very normal for babies born at 35 weeks, but when it is your own children struggling it is tough.

So, back to the NICU they went on Sunday morning. I was an emotional wreck, crying every 5 minutes, feeling guilty for not keeping my babies safe inside me for a bit longer, desperately wanting a "normal" birth and postpartum experience, but knowing that going back to the NICU was definitely the best thing for E and J until they were stronger. Feeding tubes were put in place for both of them, they were put under heat, and Elaina was put on oxygen.

The past 6 days have been busy as I was discharged on Monday and we are back and forth to the NICU twice a day. Thankfully, both kiddos have been making great progess. It looks like Elaina may be discharged on Sunday and Joel will probably be a couple more days because he isn't eating as well as she is. I really don't like the thought of them coming home at different times, but there isn't much I can do about that except pray.

I will post pictures later as uploading isn't working at the moment.

I might have preeclampsia

Over the past few weeks my blood pressure has been rising at each appointment. Then seemingly overnight my feet swelled up and the swelling hasn't really gone away. I also gained 5 pounds in one week from weeks 33-34. None of that was worrying my doctor until yesterday at my 35 week appointment.

This past week I started having mild headaches off and on throughout the day and yesterday my blood pressure was 140/100. My doctor ordered some blood work and today some of the results came back elevated. So, now I get to do a 24 hour urine collection to check for protein in my urine. If those results come back elevated then we will be having these babies soon, possibly as soon as Friday!

Yesterday I signed the paperwork for a scheduled c-section on June 8th but now it seems we might have May babies. Honestly, with all of my symptoms, I would be really surprised if I DON'T have protein in my urine. Time will tell, and until then, we would appreciate your prayers for continued safety for babies and myself. We want what is best and if that means Joel and Elaina being born at 35 1/2 weeks then that's what we will do.

Feeling thankful at 35 weeks

Instead of listing off all the ways I feel miserable and ready for this pregnancy to be done, I was lying in bed early one morning this week and listing off in my head all the things I have to be thankful for at this stage. I want to continue to remain positive so here the top 10 things I am thankful for at 35 weeks pregnant with twins (in no particular order):

1) I don't have any rib or hip pain
2) I honestly thought I would be way bigger by now, but I'm not and that fact enables me to remain pretty mobile and active.
3) I can still get down on the floor and play with my girls
4) No stretch marks (apparently I have genetics or my homemade body butter to thank for that, maybe a combination of both?)
5) I can still roll over pretty easily in bed
6) I have not had any big pregnancy scares like bleeding, real preterm labor, or terrible illness
7) I can still hold my girls and they love to use my belly as a pillow:-)
8) My husband still calls me beautiful
9) My swollen feet don't really cause any discomfort and my shoes still fit
10) Both babies continue to get great reports at each appointment

36 weeks, which is our goal, is just around the corner. Can't wait to be there and know that the chance of babies needing NICU time by that point is pretty slim. I leave you with a few pictures we took today on our wonderfully lazy Sunday.

 I finally got one decent picture of Shaun and I with the belly before church today

 Addie enjoying Mommy's built in pillow

Yikes! Cankles!

34 weeks

34 weeks today, yippee! It's an important milestone for twins and I am so relieved to have made it this far with very few problems. I feel like I've had a pretty easy twin pregnancy up to this point and I hope that continues until these babies are born. My least favorite pregnancy symptom right now is lots of swelling in my ankles and feet. It has really gotten worse this past week, but I guess that's normal right?

Today at the doctor Elaina weighed in at 5 lb 0 oz and Joel at 5 lb 4 oz. He's been behind his sister the entire time but must have just gone through a growth spurt. I was really surprised at how big they are and was expecting their weights to be closer to 4.5 lbs each. It's good to know they are healthy and big!

Sadly, they are still in the same breech/transverse position and seem very content to stay there. My doctor talked for the first time about scheduling a c-section since they most likely won't be moving to a head down position in the next 4 weeks. I have accepted that fact and feel good about it because I prayed every day for months for them to be head down. I trust the Lord and His full knowledge of these babies and what is best.

We don't have anything scheduled yet, but somewhere around 38 weeks I will most likely be having these babies. Things are going so well with healthy babies and healthy mama that my doctor commented today that she predicts they won't be making their entrance into the world until we force them out. So, the week of June 8th sometime we will probably be meeting our little ones. FOUR MORE WEEKS!

34 weeks and feeling good

It's May....what?!

Months ago I wrote a post about how my goal is to make it to May 25th because that is 36 weeks. I can't believe it's already May. On Monday I will be 33 weeks which means it's only 3 weeks until my goal! Actually, ideally I will make it to June 1st because 37 weeks is considered full term by most doctors for twins. Statistically, twins are born at 35 weeks on average but I am feeling confident that if I continue to take it easy then I can keep these babies in for many more weeks. I notice a huge difference in the amount of contractions and back pain I feel when I am sitting and laying around a lot and minimizing the amount of housework I do.

It isn't hard to say no to the housework, but I do have some mommy guilt over the fact that my girls are left to their own devices most of the day as they play together and I am unable to be an active participant in most of their activities. Thankfully, they do a great job entertaining themselves most of the time and it makes me so appreciative that they have each other. I can't even walk down our long driveway and back so that they can ride their bikes. Playgrounds are too difficult to manage because if they start heading in two different directions or need help getting lifted up onto something, I can't physically manage it. So, we are at home most days and the minutes and hours can sometimes tick very slowly by. Shaun reminds me that it's only for a few more weeks. I am so thankful for that! I really don't mean to complain, just letting you know how it has been for me in these last few weeks. I am willing to do anything to make sure these babies stay safe and healthy until they are ready to be born and I think Katie and Addie understand that to some degree.

My goal was to get all my baby prep work out of the way by May and I've pretty much succeeded. Last week I made four freezer crock pot meals and completed the nursery decorations. Shaun will have to set up the second crib in our bedroom at some point in the next few weeks, but we are putting it up against my side of the bed like a co-sleeper, so setting it up now would just make it more difficult for me to get in and out of bed. And trust me, I am already having a hard enough time with that! The hospital bag is partially packed and today I plan on making a few batches of freezer waffles to complete my freezer meal prep. Things are starting to get REAL!

 I think Addie likes my pregnancy pillow a whole lot more than I do. I have a love/hate relationship with sleep right now:-)

32 weeks- I wonder daily how much bigger I will get over the next few weeks!