3D ultrasound and XL t-shirts

I am 28 weeks 1 day today. Last week marked a milestone of moving from wearing medium t-shirts to raiding my dad's closet for XL! Way more comfortable but not very flattering. I am opting for comfort at this point.

Yesterday we had a chance to view our babies again on a 3D ultrasound. We had been warned that usually with twins only one baby cooperates, which is exactly what happened. We were able to get a few good shots of Elaina's face, but Joel was facing the wrong direction. Luckily, at my appointment with maternal fetal medicine 2 weeks ago, the exact opposite happened and we got a few good 3D shots of him then.

Stats as of yesterday on all 3 of us:
Elaina measured in at 2 lb. 9 oz, Joel just under that at 2 lb. 7 oz. They both gained exactly a pound in 4 weeks. It's hard to believe I am carrying 5 pounds of baby, but somehow they are squished in there!

I have now gained 35 pounds. I am happy with that and try not to concern myself with the scale. I know it's for the best and I figure I am well on my way to a 50 pound weight gain at least:-)

 Elaina waving "hi"

Joel just chillin'

Welcome third trimester

I have made it two thirds of the way. Time is flying by and I'm trying to remind myself that I need to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can each day. I am getting really excited to meet these babies! They are big enough now that I can pretty much always feel some body part or another poking me or pressing against the outside of my uterus. There are too many body parts to really distinguish what is what and who is who though. The past few days have also brought some painful jabs and kicks. Before this it was never painful or uncomfortable so they are obviously getting stronger:-)

On another note, I recently came across this blog post about embryo adoption: 

http://www.theaaronwilson.com/9000-people-you-didnt-know-existed/

It answers some of the most common questions a Christian may have about this form of adoption. It has some excellent info that Shaun and I agree wholeheartedly with and it really speaks to the reasons why we chose embryo adoption as the way to build our family and why the author of the blog has chosen it too.

Birthdays and 26 weeks

Monday was the girls' fourth birthday and the day I made it to 26 weeks. Crazy to think that 10 more weeks of pregnancy and I will be considered full term for twins. Time is really flying. Where did March go anyway? Shaun has next week off for Spring break so we are planning a day trip up to Denver to go to the children's museum for the first time. The weather has been beautiful and it just makes me happy to be able to go outside with sandals on and no coats! It makes life simpler since Katie and Addie aren't completely independent with all of that stuff yet.

Here are some pictures from the birthday party and an updated belly picture. I try to share those belly shots discreetly because I know they can cause pain for women who are still longing for pregnancy. I promise to never share these pictures directly to Facebook or as the first picture on my blog. My thoughts are never far away from how amazing it is that I am actually experiencing the very thing that I had given up on several years ago. I do not take it for granted.

This picture cracks me up because it pretty much sums up their different personalities. Katie had her candles blown out before we had finished singing "Happy Birthday" while Addie sat far back from the flames, afraid she would get burned. She did blow them out after we finished singing though!

26 weeks!

I want to leave you with one prayer request. Last Friday I had an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine to do an echocardiogram of the babies' hearts and another more in depth anatomy scan. It is standard procedure to do it on multiples born through fertility treatments because studies have shown that for some reason those babies have a greater chance of heart defects. Everything looked great with both babies except the doctor couldn't tell conclusively if Joel's aortic heart valve was bicuspid or tricuspid. Normally, it should be a tricuspid valve but about 1-2% of the population is born with a bicuspid valve. In fact, it is the most common heart defect that some people probably have and don't even realize it. It sounds like it is usually a fairly benign issue, but it is good to be aware of it because it can cause heart problems later in life. Since the doctor couldn't tell for sure, she said Joel should get another echo done within his first month of life so we will know what we are dealing with. So, we don't really even know if there is a problem, but we are praying that if there is, the Lord will put his healing finger on that tiny valve and heal it before Joel is born. There is no reason to worry about something that may or may not even be an issue, but of course the best case scenario would be for the next echo to reveal a tricuspid heart valve. Thanks for your prayers!

I am nearing this point....

If you want a good laugh, read this true story. Oh my, I am nearing this point....


Story originally from:
http://bethwoolsey.com/2015/01/the-day-i-pooped-my-closet/

Dear the Internets,

This is a true story.

This is my true story.

I lay down my dignity for you, because I love you very much.

Sincerely,
Beth

Once upon a time, I pooped my closet. 

I was pregnant.

With twins.

Approximately 100 years pregnant with twins, judging by my size, but really only 7 months or so, which made me roughly larger than a semi-truck and smaller than the Empire State building. Big, in other words, especially since I started the pregnancy “fluffy” according to a nurse who was kind and wonderful and didn’t call me chubby to my face for which I will always love her something fierce.

Fluffy to begin, I was, and then I got, well, fluffier. Growing two babies does a number on the body, and mine popped out in all sorts of delightful places not limited to my belly. No; I’m pretty sure my hind end, my thighs and my breasts were growing sympathetically in proportion to my middle, good girlfriends that they were, not wanting my belly to feel alone in all the fluff. 

Now I didn’t spend much time feeling badly about my weight because I’d lost 3 babies to miscarriage years ago, and now my body was making two of them, so HOT DAMN, Fluffy Body; you ROCK, you know?

Still, every time my mama walked into my house, she’d catch sight of my largess and her eyes would pop and her face would pale and she’d say, “Honey, you’re as big as a barn” and “You knowyou’re going to have those babies early, right? Because YOU CANNOT GET ANY BIGGER, Child; THERE’S NO WHERE ELSE FOR THOSE BABIES TO GO except OUT OF YOU” which I think was her prayer or an exorcism of sorts: IN JESUS’ PRECIOUS NAME, I COMMAND YOU TO GET OUT, Babies! 

So I was big, is what I’m saying. Or Enormous if one wants the technical, scientific description. And that meant it was hard to move, particularly if I was sitting or laying down or anything other than already in motion per Newton’s First Law of Motion which I’m sure he discovered whilst watching someone pregnant.

And I was tired all the time because a) growing two babies is hard work, man, and b) lugging the three of us around was tantamount to getting a cruise liner in and out of port; slow, tedious, a real nail-biter in close quarters.

On the day of the incident, I laid myself down in bed and took a nap. A nap! Which, in case you don’t have kids, I’ll tell you is a miracle both in scope and in frequency because naps are precious and rare, friends. If I ever get to nominate anything for sainthood — anything to sit at the right hand of God the Father in Glorious Heaven — it will be naps. People will be like, What about Mother Teresa who selflessly cared for the destitute and dying? And I will be all, MOVE OVER, TERESA because NAPS. 

So I was taking a nap in my nightie sans panties because I could no longer figure out how to lasso those things around my ankles much less wrestle them all the way up my legs, but I was awakened by an urge to go potty. I ignored it, of course, because NAP and exhaustion and the impractical nature of moving the ship out of port, and I fell back asleep, only to be awakened again and again.

Le sigh.

The age old decision of Go Potty vs. Stay in Bed compounded by Pregnancy. It’s a doozy, I tell you, but I finally decided to wrestle myself from the bed and make the trek through our master closet to the en suite bathroom and relieve myself.

Only, on the way, I farted.

Except it wasn’t just an air poopy like I thought.

It was a poopy poopy.

Followed by another poopy poopy.

Followed by another poopy poopy.

Poopies in rapid succession making good their escape and rushing to freedom. 

And, as I was sans panties, each soft poopy slid to the closet floor with little puh-looping sounds and sat there like brownie batter, soaking into the carpet. 

I, of course, was no longer in the proper physical condition to get my carcass down on the floor to clean it up, but I was also full of abject humiliation and paralyzed at the thought of a) telling my husband I’d just pooped our closet, and b) asking him to clean it. 

So I did what anyone in my situation would do: I stood in a sea of poopies and cried.

And cried.

And cried.

Which is where Greg found me. In my nightie. Standing in a field of daisies minus the daisies and plus my feces. Sobbing.

He tried to bundle me off to bed so he could scrub the carpet, but I wasn’t then and am not now a woman who appreciates being bundled, so, through my hiccuppy sobs, I asked the man to lower me to the closet floor, bring me a scrub brush and carpet cleaner and let me clean up my own mess in privacy. Complete privacy please, I begged, “You go AWAY, Greg. Go FAR, FAR AWAY and try to FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED. I know we vowed for better or worse, in sickness and health, but THAT WAS A CROCK, MAN. I meant for better or worse FINANCIALLY, and in sickness and health WITH NURSES TO CLEAN OUR BOTTOMS. I did not agree to THIS. To Poop Fest 2006. So I need you to go AWAY and breathe peppermint and imagine me back when I wasn’t a closet pooper. PLEASE, man; I BEG YOU. GO AWAY.” 

And so he did. He brought me supplies. He lowered me to the floor. He went away. 

But I should’ve agreed to the bundling, because I spent the next half hour sitting crisscross in the closet trying to reach past my babies to scrub the carpet, and you guys… you guys… every time I shifted, I touched poop. To the left, my knee hit poop. To the right, my thigh nudged poop. Like St. Patrick’s prayer, except instead of Christ behind me, before me, beneath me, above me, to my left and to my right, where I sit and where I lie, it was POOP. I mean, Jesus was there, too, but mostly POOP.

Due to belly size, I didn’t have the leverage to clean. So instead of cleaning, I smeared. And when I freaked out that I was smearing – I am smearing poop in my closet. OH MY WORD. I AM SMEARING POOP IN MY CLOSET. – I smeared some more. OCD poop cleaning, except without any actual ability to clean. Obsessive compulsive poop smearing. I’m pretty sure that’s a diagnosable psychiatric condition. 

Well, eventually, I quit. Wisdom is the better part of valor, after all, and although I admittedly like to exhaust valor before I let wisdom through the door, I could admit I’d tried and was defeated and needed Greg to finish.

I went to get him. 

I mean, I tried to go get him, but that’s when I discovered my legs were asleep after being trapped under the belly all that time. 

I pulled on the dead weight of my legs to get them out from under me, sticking them straight out from my belly — and into the wasteland — to revive them, but no feeling came back. Minutes and minutes of leaving my legs in poop and just no feeling at all because they were still beneath my belly, even sticking out, and the belly was still good at cutting off blood. 

So I laid down.

In the closet.

In smeared poop. 

And Greg came back a half hour later to find me there, with poop on my hands and poop on my legs, lying in the poop I’d smushed into the carpet. 

In conclusion, I once pooped the closet.

And also, being married to me is THE BEST. 

So listen, friend. You might be having a down day. You might be going through a rough patch. You might wonder if you’re the only one sitting in a giant, figurative pile of poo. But I am here to tell you, if you are not sitting in a giant, literal pile of poo, you’re doing better than you know. Better than you know, friends, and better than me that day. 

Sending love to you,

24 week check in

Today I had my 24 week appointment.  Both babies look great and are weighing in at about 1 1/2 pounds each. Elaina remains head down and very low, just like she was 3 weeks ago so hopefully she'll stay that way so I can have a vaginal delivery! Joel was moving all over the place. It was crazy to see him flip around 3 times in the time it took to do a 20 minute ultrasound.

I met my goal of gaining 24 pounds by 24 weeks, and actually exceeded it by 2 pounds. It's not fun to look at the scale and see 176, but I know it's what is best for these babies and overall I have been feeling great. I am so thankful for a textbook pregnancy thus far.

This past week I read a book called Natural Hospital Birth. It is written by a doula who has helped many women who don't feel comfortable with home births, have a natural, intervention free hospital birth. She also spent time in Russia studying birth there, and realized through hands on experience that the United States does things very differently than other parts of the world when it comes to childbirth.

I loved this book and I plan on reading it again with Shaun so we can both be on the same page about our birth choices and so he can be prepared to be my advocate when I am handling the intense pain of labor. However, I also realize that since I am having twins, I do need to hold some things with more of an open hand than if I was carrying one baby. I have read many twin birth stories online and have discovered that many times, mothers delivering twins don't have as many options for natural birth.

The great news is that I brought my concerns and desires to my doctor this morning and she put my mind completely at ease. I am so pleased with her responses to all my questions. She is all for allowing me to have a natural vaginal birth as long as baby A is head down and it wouldn't put me or the babies at risk for whatever reason. She won't force me to have an epidural just in case I need an emergency c-section for baby B (this is standard practice for many OB's who allow vaginal twin deliveries). I can have the freedom to move around during labor and even use the labor tub if I choose to. And, she and her partner are both comfortable delivering baby B breech if that is the position he presents himself in once his sister is born.

I feel so great about my choice of doctor. She assured me they do natural deliveries all the time and that twins are more than able to be born naturally too. She understands that Shaun and I make the ultimate calls on what we are wanting during the labor experience, and I trust her to not pressure me to do something I really don't want, unless it really is a matter of life and death. Now, let's continue to pray that these babies will be head down at delivery and that they will continue to thrive for at least 12 more weeks in utero!

Embryo Adoption story from a donor family perspective

I recently read a story of an open embryo adoption from the perspective of a donor family and wanted to share it with you. I really enjoy hearing from their side as it is so unique. I have many people ask me about how our donor family feels about everything, and although I know each person has unique thoughts and feelings, I do get the sense that our baby's genetic parents feel similarly to the couple in the story below. I hope you enjoy!

Our infertility story covers more than 20 years and stands as a testimony to God’s awesomeness, wonder, faithfulness, love, and grace! Pregnancy is supposed to be the most natural and “easy” part of marriage right? Not in our case. However, the journey was worth it! Carl and I married right after my freshman year in college. After some testing when I was 19 years old, I was officially diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and told that I’d struggle with infertility. After graduating from college, I went off all contraception because Carl and I decided that whenever I might get pregnant would be okay with us. After three years with no success, we decided to seek infertility testing and advice. Over the next two years we did all the basic testing, monitoring & rounds of fertility drugs but to no avail. We agreed it was time to stop. 

I was discouraged, frustrated and angry! I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had told me we’d have children, and I was impatient! I was really hoping that that meant NOW. Thankfully, God knew better and His ultimate plan was SO much better than I could have ever even dreamed! My reproductive symptoms & issues continued to escalate over the next six years with very little answers. By the time we had been married for 13 years, we both felt that it was God’s timing to seek fertility help again. We were stationed in Virginia at the time, and were referred to a fabulous infertility doctor and her team. They were able to determine a whole list of other reproductive problems that no one else had been able to identify like advanced endometriosis, ruptured cysts, glucose intolerance, adhesions, left tube blockage, etc. After a miscarriage, our doctor also determined that my body fights a fetus like a virus and worked to kill it within the first few weeks of gestation. She also determined that I had had multiple undiagnosed miscarriages throughout our marriage. It was determined that my only safe alternative for a successful implantation and pregnancy was IVF. 

Our first IVF cycle was unsuccessful, but the second was a tremendous success! We had 13 very strong embryos. The doctor implanted two embryos and we waited and prayed. When the ultrasound specialist informed us that both embryos implanted & we were having fraternal twins I think they had to pick me up off the floor! At 17 weeks, my husband received orders to move to San Diego, CA. Pregnant with twins, we drove cross country to a new city with no friends or family anywhere close. I was promptly put on bed rest. Blood tests then revealed that I had developed hypothyroidism and gestational diabetes. To make things even better, my husband had to deploy for two months. Well, we’ll just say that this time was exceptionally challenging! After months of bed rest, 2 months hospitalization, and LOTS of medications, the babies & I made it to exactly 34 weeks and I delivered two beautiful baby girls.

 That’s the end, right? Not quite! I quickly developed a severe case of postpartum depression that was debilitating, my husband worked 12 hrs a day, and we had very little help for the first three years. Our journey was difficult, but a true testament of God’s grace, faithfulness, presence and provision in the midst of trials and drama! Now, as you can imagine, neither my husband nor I thought it wise to try again. Carl and I struggled with what to do with our 11 remaining precious embryos. We were not about to destroy them or donate them for medical research. After a great deal of prayer and research, we found the Snowflake Program and agreed that placing our 11 angels for adoption was the best next step for us. It took us some time to move on our decision. It is truly difficult to convey the challenge of releasing control (which I don’t do well at all) of something so precious, to someone else to raise . On the flip side, however, what better gift could we give another couple than to pay forward the incredible blessing that God had given us! We know the struggles; pain; physical, emotional, mental & spiritual turmoil; and stress on a marriage that infertility brings. 

By 2010, we had firmly made the decision to place our embryos for adoption and gotten the paperwork from the Snowflake Program, but didn’t fill it out. We’ll just go with the “waiting for a sign” theory; and we got it! My endometriosis returned after the birth of our twins. My doctors in Florida agreed that a complete hysterectomy was the correct course of action and scheduled surgery for January 2011. 5 DAYS before my surgery, I found out I was pregnant! What a COMPLETE shock this was to us and our family! Our third little girl was born happy, healthy and full of smiles!!! After getting over the shock of our miracle pregnancy, we jumped right on the embryo adoption paperwork and received our first potential adoptive couple’s biography. Call it a “gut feeling” or whatever you will, but Carl and I both knew IMMEDIATELY that this was the exact couple for our angels. If you aren’t/ can’t raise your children, it’s very important to choose an adoptive family carefully. You look for a couple who is as much like you as possible and with similar values. The adoptive family apparently approved of us too because it wasn’t even two more months before the adoption paperwork was processed, signed and complete. We chose an open adoption with the hope of at least some communication (pictures and such).

 We were thrilled in early 2012 to learn that the adoptive family was requesting to communicate with us directly. We then started emailing with our wonderful adoptive family who informed us that they had decided to fly out to Virginia Beach, VA to do the transfer where our embryos were located. And they wanted to meet us and the girls too while they were in the area! Oh my goodness…tears of joy! The evening of meeting them for dinner came. To say Carl and I were nervous about meeting them would be an understatement! It didn’t take but a minute before we were totally comfortable and realized that we had so much in common and hit it off beautifully! We shared stories, laughed until we cried, and acted like we’d all been friends for years! Any sense of doubt we might have had about putting our babies up for adoption was put to rest! Two weeks after their visit, we were blessed to learn that the transfer had been successful and the adoptive mom was pregnant and 9 months later their precious baby boy was born. 

Before going further, I’ll answer a few obvious questions. First, “Wasn’t it difficult for you knowing they were having a boy when you had three girls?” Yes and no is the answer. Yes, I suppose it would have been nice to have a boy. However, we have been greatly blessed with three wonderful daughters and have a total sense of family completeness. So, there are no feelings of resentment. Second, “Was it hard to see pictures of your genetic son when he was born?” Again, the answer is yes and no. Was it tough? Yes! We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t feel some pains, doubt, etc. But, some of the best things in life have bittersweet components. We had to look past our own desires, struggles and doubts to see what a blessing the gift of life could be to another family who had also struggled. Looking at the immense joy and huge smiles on the faces of the adoptive couple make every bit of the process worth it for Carl and me! Third, “Did you tell your daughters about their brother” and “If so, what did you tell them and how did they take it”? Yes, we told them a few months after he was born. I had started a “sibling” scrapbook for them to look at whenever they wanted. We explained that sometimes couples struggle to have children, like Mommy and Daddy. We needed help and used a process that created more children then we could have ourselves. So, Mommy and Daddy had given another couple (who also needed help) some of their brothers and sisters to raise and love too. The girls listened excitedly, looked at the pictures and were totally thrilled to have a little brother! 

Since his birth, we’ve stayed in contact with the adoptive couple regularly and were all blessed to learn that her second transfer was, once again, successful and she is expecting a little girl this spring. It is a wonderful thing to give the gift of life. To us, it is equally fabulous to be given the gift of friendship and extended family in such a phenomenally unexpected way! Only God can orchestrate something so unique. Carl and I were only thinking about the possibility of one child and God provided a testimony of awesomeness that included five children, two families and more to come. What does the future hold for our family, the adoptive family, our remaining embryos, and the relationship between them all? Only God knows! No matter what, we will stay the course and enjoy this exciting roller coaster wherever it may lead! Bring it on!

A year ago....

A year ago we got a call out of the blue. It was our foster care agency asking us if we would consider taking a newborn baby boy who was coming home from the hospital the next day. We hadn't expressed any interest in taking more placements at that time so we were shocked at the question. A baby wasn't on our radar at the moment. In fact, 2 months before I had undergone my first ever surgery to treat severe endometriosis and we were really hoping that we would be able to conceive naturally after that surgery. A year ago, I was once again in the midst of eating healthy and praying fervently for a biological child, specifically for a son.

Then, we get the call about this boy and my heart couldn't bear the thought of saying no. Shaun didn't feel the same. He had all sorts of practical reasons why it wasn't a good time. I couldn't think practically when I knew a newborn needed a home! We had 12 hours to decide. It was the hardest decision of our married life so far because we knew that if we said yes, it could mean forever.

The next morning we woke and still were not on the same page, but miraculously, after much prayer, we came to an agreement to say yes. We would put our trust in the Lord and believe this baby boy could be the answer to my prayers for a son. Baby Thomas came to us late that night. Shaun's heart immediately melted at the sight of such a vulnerable, tiny human being. I sprung into action, caring for him, getting out all the bottles and other baby stuff we would need, telling myself not to fall in love because we didn't know how long he'd be with us.

As it turns out, we only had Baby Thomas for 5 days. It was a sweet time, but I am thankful it was so short. I cried when I said goodbye to him, but it was more because of how hard foster care is, not knowing the future and loving and losing, than it was about my sadness over losing Thomas. I drove away from Thomas, his grandma, and his daddy thinking, "I can't do this foster care thing anymore. I can't bear loving and losing baby after baby. I think this is it for us."

I went home and shared my thoughts with Shaun. We agreed to pray and see where the Lord was leading. In the end, having Baby Thomas allowed us to close the chapter on foster care and it led us to begin praying about how God would grow our family from there.

I continued to pray for a son and I began reading more about adoption. Four years before I had read about embryo adoption but it didn't seem right for us. Now, maybe it was. I showed Shaun some videos. We prayed. We decided it was a good direction for us.

Now I sit here, pregnant with our son (and our daughter!). I am in awe of how God works, how he has given life to these babies that were frozen for 4 years, how he has knit our family and given me the chance to experience all the joys (and discomforts) of pregnancy:-)