Is Embryo Adoption Immoral?

Even before Shaun and I knew we would deal with infertility and before I was even married, I already knew I would never try in-vitro-fertilization as a means of building my family. The idea of creating multiple embryos and then potentially never being able to give birth to them all didn't sit well with me. So, when we began considering embryo adoption, which seems very similar to IVF in many ways, I had to wrestle with the morality of reproductive technology again. I came across an article that addressed my main questions and I want to share it with you today.

By Russell Moore

I received an email from a man who was upset about a couple in his extended family who are pursuing a so-called "snowflake adoption," the adoption of a "frozen embryo" (to use, for clarity's purpose only, the satanically clinical lingo of the current era). This couple had been led to do this after reading Adopted for Life, so he wanted to correspond.

How, he wondered, could I support this kind of adoption when I am opposed (and I am, strongly) to in vitro fertilization (IVF), donor assisted reproduction, and other technologies that violate the one-flesh union and the relationship between love and procreation.The same thing, he argued, is going on here with a donor embryo being implanted in an adopting mother's womb.

First of all, there is no such thing as a "donor embryo."

Someone can donate sperm or ovum or even a heart or a liver, but no one can "donate" an "embryo." No one can "own" an "embryo." An "embryo" isn't a thing; he or she is a "who." Our Lord Jesus is the pinnacle of the image of God (Heb. 1:1-3). He was an "embryo" (Luke 1:42-43). The "embryonic" John responded to our Lord's "embryonic" presence in precisely the same way he responded to his adult presence on the banks of the Jordan River.

These so-called "snowflakes" are brothers and sisters of the Lord Jesus are stored in cryogenic containers in fertility clinics as the "extras" of IVF projects. They already exist, and the already exist as persons created in the image of God.

And there are Christians called to adopt them, to bring them to birth through pregnancy, and to raise them in love. To be sure, the numbers of children who can be adopted in this way are a microscopic percentage of the whole. And the numbers even of those who can be safely brought to birth is even smaller.

Isn't this simply an embrace of the kind of "Brave New World" Frankenstein technology we elsewhere lament?

No.

Adopting parents are not complicit in the "production" (I shudder to type such a horrible word in reference to a human creature) of these children. Again, the children are already conceived. The adopting parents are no more endorsing the technologies involved than parents adopting from an unwed mother are endorsing fornication or adultery.

Embryo adoption also doesn't carry with it the violence to the one-flesh union that comes with surrogacy or sperm donation, in which one spouse's genetic marterial is joined with a stranger's.

Embryo adoption would be problematic if the adoptions themselves became a further commodity in the buying and selling transactions of the reproductive technology business or if these adoptions were a widespread incentive for couples to justify the decision to "create" and freeze additional embryos. This is not, though, presently the case and doesn't appear to be likely to become so anytime soon.

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/russellmoore/is-embryo-adoption-immoral-11626568.html

Beginning the process

In continuation of my last post, I want to summarize how the process of embryo adoption has looked for us up to this point. First, we spent time praying about the direction the Lord wanted us to go because we did desire to grow our family with at least one more child. Our hopes of a biological child, after 4 1/2 years of infertility, are pretty much gone. We know if it is God's will for our family then it will happen someday, but I am starting to believe more and more that we were given a heart for babies who are already in existence for a reason. Maybe we are meant to love and raise children who the Lord has already created and given a soul, rather than create our own little ones. If that is the case, we joyfully accept the call, although the journey to get to this place has been difficult, sad, and full of grief. Our first two children, adopted through foster care, are proof that genetics has nothing to do with the love we have for our kids and we honestly wouldn't change our story even if we had the chance to do so.

Anyway, we started learning more about embryo adoption through the adoption agency that started it all back in 1997. If you are at all interested in learning more, check out their website at http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-embryo-donation-adoption/

We were really struck by a few things, first being the fact that these are babies whom God has given life to. They are already on earth and simply need to be given a chance at life. Second, there are over 500,000 frozen embryos in this country alone! And third, I would be able carry a child, providing the safe, healthy environment I so strongly believe in, through 9 months of pregnancy, and then get to experience child birth and breastfeeding. Pregnancy was certainly not the number one reason we were drawn to embryo adoption, but it was an exciting possibility after so many years of infertility. I have had years of longing to go through all the things a woman is supposed to be able to do with her body.

One thing that really helped to finalize our decision was the fact that our foster care agency graciously said they would send our newly completed homestudy to the adoption agency. This was huge because it would save us several months time as well as about $2000! It seemed that the Lord was opening the door for us to proceed with what was now becoming a pretty exciting possibility for building our family!

So, we officially began the embryo adoption process by sending in our application fee on March 18th. We then created a family profile that included a letter to the genetic family and a four page summary of who we are, including pictures. We decided right away that we want to have at least some degree of openness with the genetic family so whatever children we are blessed with will be able to have knowledge of their biological family. All the current research has shown that adopted children are better off emotionally and psychologically when they have access to this information.

It didn't take long for our homestudy to get transferred, and then all I needed was to get a document signed by my doctor stating that I can safely carry a child. Once all that was sent in, we had a matching interview with the adoption agency to make sure we would be matched with a family who fits our specific preferences. That interview was on Friday, April 25th, and by Wednesday, April 30th, we had received the information about a genetic family who had chosen us. It was astounding to see how quickly the match was made! Embryo adoption has the opposite problem that infant adoption has, and that is there are more genetic families that adoptive families, so getting matched does not take long!

We spent an evening praying about whether or not to accept the match, but there were no red flags going up in our hearts or minds, so the next morning we contacted our agency and said we would like to accept the match. Right now, we are waiting to hear more on what local clinic embryos will be shipped to. We have never worked with a fertility clinic so we are about to enter uncharted territory. It will be at least September before we can actually have our first embryo transfer done and I am unsure about what the next steps will be. Most likely there will be several preliminary medical tests required to make sure my body is good to go.

Reviving the blog

I am reviving this blog which has lay dormant for over a year. The reason? Shaun and I are embarking on an exciting adventure that we believe more people need to be educated about. What is this little known endeavor? Something called embryo adoption.

What is embryo adoption? Well, here is my summary of this new and exciting form of adoption:

Basically, when an infertile couple decided to do in-vitro-fertilization in hopes of having biological children, there are embryos created. Embryos are tiny little babies which are then either implanted into the woman, or frozen for future use when more children are desired. Once a couple has achieved pregnancy and have had as many children as they desire, there are often times extra embryos that are still frozen. What to do with these tiny embryo babies is a big deal to someone who believes life begins at conception.

The choices a couple is left with are to keep them frozen forever, destroy them, donate them to science, or give them to another couple through embryo donation/adoption. The decision to allow another couple to adopt their embryo babies can be a difficult choice to make, but one that is honoring to God, who has given life to the embryos in the first place. It is really incredible that these babies can be frozen for years and then when given a chance, become a full grown baby with purpose and meaning in life.

So, that is the direction the Lord has led Shaun and I after losing another newborn foster baby in February. We thought foster care was the direction we would go to add more children to our family, but it became very clear in February after baby T came and went, that we were no longer being called to foster care. It really astounds me to think back on beginning our journey through foster care, and how much peace we had. We endured a long 25 month case before our twin girls became ours legally, but though it all we never doubted that it was what we were supposed to be doing. Now, I know exactly why we had such peace though an incredibly emotional 2 years. We were intended to be Katie's and Addie's parents, and in the Lord's perfect timing we were there waiting for them when they needed a home.

Now, we anticipate meeting our future children, knowing that God has a perfect plan once again. We have moved quickly through the preliminary steps of embryo adoption, and once we were approved to be matched with a genetic family, it only took 3 days to be matched! We are very excited about what the future holds, and we pray that the genetic family is filled with much peace during this time as they are entrusting their genetic offspring into our care. I will follow with more details on the process up to this point in my next post. It's good to be back in the blogging world!

3 days and 3 nights was enough!

 

 The Oceanside Pier where we strolled and ate dinner at the diner which is at the end of the pier

Shaun and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on June 16th. Since it always falls during Shaun's most busy time of the year it is hard to actually find time to celebrate. This year we actually didn't do anything in June to celebrate but decided to wait until a more opportune time (aka- less busy time) arose. We were fortunate to nab a great online deal for $50 for 2 nights in a hotel in various locations around the country.
At first I wanted to try Las Vegas because I have never been and because airline tickets from Denver to Vegas are cheap. I quickly changed my mind when a couple people assured me I would hate it there. Shaun and I are outdoors people who don't like crowds, don't really like visiting big cities, and would rather hike or drive around in God's beautiful creation than eat at fancy restaurants and sight see at various glitzy hotels/casinos.
So, needless to say, we chose Oceanside, CA instead. On the map it looked close enough to San Diego to be able to utilize a major airport, and it looked small enough to not give off the big city feel. We flew out Saturday morning and returned Monday afternoon. Shaun and I had a great time walking along the beach, sleeping in, soaking in the hot tub and eating out without two squirrely girls in tow, but I missed Katie and Addie so much more than I expected. As we left Denver International Airport, I started to feel more and more anxious as we crept closer and closer to picking up the girls. My mamma heart just wanted to hold them tight and make sure they knew I would never abandoned them.
The family who took care of the girls for the weekend said they did great but that they would sometimes walk around crying, calling out "Mommy". They said it was great to see the bond the twins have with us and how they never once became mommy or daddy to them.
It makes me incredibly grateful that these sweet girls who came to us as tiny little neglected babies, who couldn't even make eye contact because they were hardly ever held, nurtured, or loved in the first 4 months of their lives are now very bonded and attached to us. We are in the fullest extent of the words, Mommy and Daddy. The Lord has knit our family together and we are so thankful!
I was thankful for the break and a chance to enjoy being just a wife, rather than wife and mommy. However, I would say that until the girls are old enough to completely understand that we will be leaving but will be back in however many days, 3 days is quite long enough to be away!

My Feelings Exactly

I thought that once we were at a more secure place with our adoption of the twins in process, I would be able to move on past the pain of infertility. I knew there would always be a part of me that longs to carry a child of my own, but I didn't expect to continue to experience the emotions of sorrow, anger, and jealousy. Sometimes those sinful emotions rear their ugly heads at the most unexpected times. When I think of possibly never carrying a child the emotion I most strongly feel is deep sadness. I am happy to say that I am at the point in my journey that I can honestly say I am thankful for infertility. I am very content (most of the time!) with our family and what God has planned for us in the future. I wouldn't change our story for anything because I can't imagine life without our sweet baby girls, but the desire for a biological child is still very strong.

I subscribe to the "Stepping Stones" newsletter which is a publication of the infertility ministry of Bethany Christian Services. Yesterday I received their latest newsletter and the cover article so poignantly addresses what I feel and what so many infertile couples feel. I want to share the article with you now. If you are one of the people who is going through infertility may this article speak to your soul and validate your feelings. If you know someone who continues to struggle with infertility even after successfully adopting a child, may you read this and have a better understanding of what they may be going through.

Unresolved Infertility By Rev. John Van Regenmorter

After years of infertility, Joe and Carla have finally adopted a child- a bright and happy little girl from China. While visiting Carla's parents to share their joy, Grandma's first comment is "Now that you've adopted, I sure hope you're over that infertility business."

Was Grandma right? Is adoption a cure for unresolved infertility?

Before answering that question, allow me to quickly state that I love adoption. Our oldest two children were adopted through Bethany, and my wife and I would not change that experience for anything in the world. The two most thrilling phone calls we ever received were from Bethany letting us know that there was a child we could adopt!

Adoption is a wonderful blessing. However, we should not make the mistake of thinking it cures every aspect of the loss and grief of couples with long-term infertility. Adoption can resolve some of the pain of infertility, but infertile couples must come to grips with losses that adoption will not cure. In fact, the process of adoption can sometimes bring these losses into sharper focus. These include:

The Loss of Becoming Pregnant and....

-experiencing new life and seeing the first heartbeat on an ultrasound
-joyfully announcing the pregnancy to family and friends
-wearing maternity clothes and receiving well wishes from others
-talking about pregnancy with close friends and comparing notes
-giving birth and breastfeeding

The Loss of a Genetically-Related Child

What do we look for first in a baby? Isn't it which parent he or she resembles? It is natural for a couple to long for a child who shares their genetics and to grieve not having such a child. To paraphrase writer Michael DeVries: Didn't God Himself create human beings in His own image and likeness? Is it strange, then, that couples would desire a child who is the beautiful blending or their genetic blueprints?

Grieving Our Losses

Couples who adopt after infertility need to acknowledge their losses and grieve them together. If the couple does not reflect on their losses and pray about them together, they may not be ready to fully enjoy the amazing blessing of adoption.

Focusing on What Matters

I read a poem once that went something like this, "Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it." For most adoptive parents, this becomes a reality.

Couples who joyfully adopt a child after infertility think of that child as an awesome blessing with unique characteristics and talents.In all that counts, these parents discover that the boy or girl who has entered their heart and their home really is their child. They praise God because they know that this is the child He intended for them. What really matters is the blessing, and this should be the central focus of the adoption experience, not the losses.

Our newest great adventure

The time is drawing near for the adoption of the twins, and as we have anticipated that exciting day, we also anticipate losing a significant amount of income from the state because the girls will no longer be in the foster system. Several months ago, Shaun and I were considering our options for adding extra income and we quickly realized that we were sitting on a gold mine of great opportunity through the Shaklee products we have been using for over 5 years now.

We have absolutely loved Shaklee's natural products- we use their cleaning stuff, nutritional supplements, and a few of their beauty products because we know and trust the company as being the number one natural nutrition company in the US as well as having TONS of scientific research to back up all of their claims. We also have had great results. When we were first married, Shaun had some pretty bad allergies and acne. We got him on some nutritional products to begin building up him immune system and we began eating healthier. Through that first winter we were both healthier than we had been in a long time. Shaun no longer suffered such terrible allergies, his acne significantly improved, and he even stopped being allergic to our dog, Zorro over time. I was no longer plagued with monthly colds through the long winter.

Anyway, now that I've bragged about the great products (oh, did I mention they have THE BEST cleaning stuff I've ever used!) I want to let everyone out there know that we have decided to launch into our next great adventure as Shaklee Independent Distributors. We are really excited to start this business on the side as sort of a "tent building" business to help support the continued ministry work that we are doing at Eagle Lake Camp.

We have our own Shaklee website: SLG.myshaklee.com were you can learn about the products, become a member, or just order products as a guest. We have a great passion to help people gain back their health through the use of these great products as well as through a healthier lifestyle.

No faces but still adorable

Finally, a new picture of the girls that we can post on our blog! They are still considered foster children until the official adoption takes place, so we can't show their faces. Aren't they still adorable though:-) This was taken yesterday and about 3 minutes before the shot, we taught the girls how to hold hands. They cooperated pretty well for being 18 months old!