First Appointment scheduled

Last week we received an email from Snowflakes telling us that they had received all of the contracts from both the genetic family and from us! That means the genetic family didn't change their mind about letting us adopt their four embryos so everything is official. We have four little babies who are frozen in Michigan waiting for a chance at life. Writing that makes me smile. I am excited for what the next few months are going to bring. When we first began our journey with infertility 4 1/2 years ago it didn't take very many months for me to lose almost all hope of achieving pregnancy. This is the closest I have felt to pregnancy in 4 years and I am enjoying the anticipation and feeling of hopefulness. I pray often that the Lord would allow these babies a chance at life and that we would be blessed with another child in our family.

Last Friday I called the fertility clinic to schedule my initial patient appointment. We will have to travel to Michigan twice. Once for the initial appointment where they will do bloodwork and any other checks/tests needed to establish me as a patient. Then again for the actual frozen embryo transfer (FET). Shaun and I will be flying to Detroit on July 9th for the appointment on the 10th. Then we will fly back right after on a late evening flight. With this now on the calendar it's really sinking in! A close friend asked me in an email how I was feeling and this was my response:

"I'm feeling excited. Things are really falling into place. Sometimes I find myself worrying that they will find something wrong with me that will prevent it from actually happening when they run all the tests that are required but I am trying to rest in the peace of knowing God has it all under control and we felt led down this path. All we can do is take it one step at a time."

Understanding the cost of adoption

Building a family through adoption can be expensive. Although, I believe without a doubt that if God has called a couple to adopt, then He will provide the means necessary to bring their child or children home. When it comes to embryo adoption, we feel very much at peace about spending the money necessary to make this happen, and it also happens to be one of the most affordable adoption choices.

"Isn't embryo adoption going to cost you a whole lot of money? Isn't it basically just as much as doing in vitro?" is a question I've gotten a few times since we've decided to do this. The answer is no, it is actually much more affordable because we are not paying for the steps involved with actually creating the embryos and having them frozen.

Here is a breakdown of adoption costs for the various types of adoption. All this information is taken from our agencies webpage: www.nightlight.org because they handle all forms of adoption: embryo, domestic, international, and foster. I will be sharing some of our personal financial information simply as a means of making it real to those of you who may be considering adoption in one form or another.

Foster adoption is the least expensive form of adoption, but if a couple has their heart set on adopting an infant, it can be an emotional and challenging route to take. We adopted our twins through the foster system but it was never a guarantee that we would be able to keep them until we had loved them for 14 months. The Lord definitely called us to that at the time and gave us the strength to get through those long months. I think in the end the actual adoption costs were about $300.

International adoption is the most expensive choice and depending on the country you are adopting from, and the number of required trips, your total estimated costs for an adoption can range from $25,000 – $43,000

Domestic adoption comes next. In general, the cost of an agency adoption through Nightlight will be approximately $18,000. You will also need to hire an attorney for the finalization of the adoption. In general, depending upon the individual characteristics of your adoption and the cost of obtaining an attorney in your state, your total cost may be approximately $20,000 – $25,000. There are a few states that do not require you to adopt through an adoption agency which would significantly lower the cost of a domestic infant adoption, but Colorado is not one of those states.

Embryo adoption costs can vary greatly depending on if you choose to work with an agency or not. In the eyes of the law, embryo adoption doesn't really exist because embryos are considered property, not persons, but there are certain agencies who view embryos as life and therefore go through the same steps for an embryo adoption as is required legally for a domestic adoption. There are also websites you can find to be matched with a genetic couple, making it unnecessary to work with an adoption agency, but you would then need to hire your own attorney to manage the legal side of things. Shaun and I chose to work with an agency because we feel more comfortable with them dealing with the legal aspects. And, this way we know that the genetic family can be at ease about who we are due to the fact that we were required to have an adoption home study done. The extra cost was worth it in our minds.

Here is a breakdown of the cost of embryo adoption:

Snowflakes Program fee: $8,000, Home study agency fee: $1,000-3,000

Fertility clinic frozen embryo transfer fees: $3,000-5,000

TOTAL FEES: $12,000-16,000

We were able to forgo the cost of the home study since ours was completed through our foster care agency. And, we are travelling to the embryos in Michigan to do the frozen embryo transfer, which cuts $2000 off the program fee, so our total expenses will be right around $10,000 if the first transfer results in pregnancy. We are praying it does!

Contract is sent!

Two days ago we mailed in our adoption contract and largest adoption payment (more on the cost of embryo adoption in my next post). This means that everything will be official very soon and these 4 little embryo babies will be ours! It is exciting to think that we could only be several months away from actually being pregnant and I find myself wondering what the next year will hold. If everything goes as we hope then I could be pregnant at this time next year.

I am really trying to hold everything with an open hand at this point though because I know nothing is guaranteed. I have been reading many blogs about embryo adoption and the vast majority of couples have had success with getting pregnant and having healthy babies but there are a couple that have gone through the process and were never blessed with a baby. I am thankful that we are already parents so we are not putting our hopes of ever being parents into this endeavor, but I really do hope and pray that the Lord allows at least one of these four embryo babies to survive. We trust in His plan for our family and know He will bring the children He wants to us at the right time. If we give this embryo adoption thing a try and don't end up having a full term pregnancy and birth of a child, then at least we tried and we can close this chapter of our infertility journey knowing that birthing a child is maybe just not in the plan for us. I am excited to try! I feel like we are more likely now than ever to actually have this dream happen, so it's a joyful time of anticipation.

In the next several weeks we will be working with the fertility clinic in Michigan to schedule my initial appointment as well as plan out when we will actually do the transfer and what medical steps will need to be taken care of before that can happen. It will definitely be a learning experience because we haven't ever worked with a fertility clinic before now.

Is Embryo Adoption Immoral?

Even before Shaun and I knew we would deal with infertility and before I was even married, I already knew I would never try in-vitro-fertilization as a means of building my family. The idea of creating multiple embryos and then potentially never being able to give birth to them all didn't sit well with me. So, when we began considering embryo adoption, which seems very similar to IVF in many ways, I had to wrestle with the morality of reproductive technology again. I came across an article that addressed my main questions and I want to share it with you today.

By Russell Moore

I received an email from a man who was upset about a couple in his extended family who are pursuing a so-called "snowflake adoption," the adoption of a "frozen embryo" (to use, for clarity's purpose only, the satanically clinical lingo of the current era). This couple had been led to do this after reading Adopted for Life, so he wanted to correspond.

How, he wondered, could I support this kind of adoption when I am opposed (and I am, strongly) to in vitro fertilization (IVF), donor assisted reproduction, and other technologies that violate the one-flesh union and the relationship between love and procreation.The same thing, he argued, is going on here with a donor embryo being implanted in an adopting mother's womb.

First of all, there is no such thing as a "donor embryo."

Someone can donate sperm or ovum or even a heart or a liver, but no one can "donate" an "embryo." No one can "own" an "embryo." An "embryo" isn't a thing; he or she is a "who." Our Lord Jesus is the pinnacle of the image of God (Heb. 1:1-3). He was an "embryo" (Luke 1:42-43). The "embryonic" John responded to our Lord's "embryonic" presence in precisely the same way he responded to his adult presence on the banks of the Jordan River.

These so-called "snowflakes" are brothers and sisters of the Lord Jesus are stored in cryogenic containers in fertility clinics as the "extras" of IVF projects. They already exist, and the already exist as persons created in the image of God.

And there are Christians called to adopt them, to bring them to birth through pregnancy, and to raise them in love. To be sure, the numbers of children who can be adopted in this way are a microscopic percentage of the whole. And the numbers even of those who can be safely brought to birth is even smaller.

Isn't this simply an embrace of the kind of "Brave New World" Frankenstein technology we elsewhere lament?

No.

Adopting parents are not complicit in the "production" (I shudder to type such a horrible word in reference to a human creature) of these children. Again, the children are already conceived. The adopting parents are no more endorsing the technologies involved than parents adopting from an unwed mother are endorsing fornication or adultery.

Embryo adoption also doesn't carry with it the violence to the one-flesh union that comes with surrogacy or sperm donation, in which one spouse's genetic marterial is joined with a stranger's.

Embryo adoption would be problematic if the adoptions themselves became a further commodity in the buying and selling transactions of the reproductive technology business or if these adoptions were a widespread incentive for couples to justify the decision to "create" and freeze additional embryos. This is not, though, presently the case and doesn't appear to be likely to become so anytime soon.

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/russellmoore/is-embryo-adoption-immoral-11626568.html

Beginning the process

In continuation of my last post, I want to summarize how the process of embryo adoption has looked for us up to this point. First, we spent time praying about the direction the Lord wanted us to go because we did desire to grow our family with at least one more child. Our hopes of a biological child, after 4 1/2 years of infertility, are pretty much gone. We know if it is God's will for our family then it will happen someday, but I am starting to believe more and more that we were given a heart for babies who are already in existence for a reason. Maybe we are meant to love and raise children who the Lord has already created and given a soul, rather than create our own little ones. If that is the case, we joyfully accept the call, although the journey to get to this place has been difficult, sad, and full of grief. Our first two children, adopted through foster care, are proof that genetics has nothing to do with the love we have for our kids and we honestly wouldn't change our story even if we had the chance to do so.

Anyway, we started learning more about embryo adoption through the adoption agency that started it all back in 1997. If you are at all interested in learning more, check out their website at http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-embryo-donation-adoption/

We were really struck by a few things, first being the fact that these are babies whom God has given life to. They are already on earth and simply need to be given a chance at life. Second, there are over 500,000 frozen embryos in this country alone! And third, I would be able carry a child, providing the safe, healthy environment I so strongly believe in, through 9 months of pregnancy, and then get to experience child birth and breastfeeding. Pregnancy was certainly not the number one reason we were drawn to embryo adoption, but it was an exciting possibility after so many years of infertility. I have had years of longing to go through all the things a woman is supposed to be able to do with her body.

One thing that really helped to finalize our decision was the fact that our foster care agency graciously said they would send our newly completed homestudy to the adoption agency. This was huge because it would save us several months time as well as about $2000! It seemed that the Lord was opening the door for us to proceed with what was now becoming a pretty exciting possibility for building our family!

So, we officially began the embryo adoption process by sending in our application fee on March 18th. We then created a family profile that included a letter to the genetic family and a four page summary of who we are, including pictures. We decided right away that we want to have at least some degree of openness with the genetic family so whatever children we are blessed with will be able to have knowledge of their biological family. All the current research has shown that adopted children are better off emotionally and psychologically when they have access to this information.

It didn't take long for our homestudy to get transferred, and then all I needed was to get a document signed by my doctor stating that I can safely carry a child. Once all that was sent in, we had a matching interview with the adoption agency to make sure we would be matched with a family who fits our specific preferences. That interview was on Friday, April 25th, and by Wednesday, April 30th, we had received the information about a genetic family who had chosen us. It was astounding to see how quickly the match was made! Embryo adoption has the opposite problem that infant adoption has, and that is there are more genetic families that adoptive families, so getting matched does not take long!

We spent an evening praying about whether or not to accept the match, but there were no red flags going up in our hearts or minds, so the next morning we contacted our agency and said we would like to accept the match. Right now, we are waiting to hear more on what local clinic embryos will be shipped to. We have never worked with a fertility clinic so we are about to enter uncharted territory. It will be at least September before we can actually have our first embryo transfer done and I am unsure about what the next steps will be. Most likely there will be several preliminary medical tests required to make sure my body is good to go.

Reviving the blog

I am reviving this blog which has lay dormant for over a year. The reason? Shaun and I are embarking on an exciting adventure that we believe more people need to be educated about. What is this little known endeavor? Something called embryo adoption.

What is embryo adoption? Well, here is my summary of this new and exciting form of adoption:

Basically, when an infertile couple decided to do in-vitro-fertilization in hopes of having biological children, there are embryos created. Embryos are tiny little babies which are then either implanted into the woman, or frozen for future use when more children are desired. Once a couple has achieved pregnancy and have had as many children as they desire, there are often times extra embryos that are still frozen. What to do with these tiny embryo babies is a big deal to someone who believes life begins at conception.

The choices a couple is left with are to keep them frozen forever, destroy them, donate them to science, or give them to another couple through embryo donation/adoption. The decision to allow another couple to adopt their embryo babies can be a difficult choice to make, but one that is honoring to God, who has given life to the embryos in the first place. It is really incredible that these babies can be frozen for years and then when given a chance, become a full grown baby with purpose and meaning in life.

So, that is the direction the Lord has led Shaun and I after losing another newborn foster baby in February. We thought foster care was the direction we would go to add more children to our family, but it became very clear in February after baby T came and went, that we were no longer being called to foster care. It really astounds me to think back on beginning our journey through foster care, and how much peace we had. We endured a long 25 month case before our twin girls became ours legally, but though it all we never doubted that it was what we were supposed to be doing. Now, I know exactly why we had such peace though an incredibly emotional 2 years. We were intended to be Katie's and Addie's parents, and in the Lord's perfect timing we were there waiting for them when they needed a home.

Now, we anticipate meeting our future children, knowing that God has a perfect plan once again. We have moved quickly through the preliminary steps of embryo adoption, and once we were approved to be matched with a genetic family, it only took 3 days to be matched! We are very excited about what the future holds, and we pray that the genetic family is filled with much peace during this time as they are entrusting their genetic offspring into our care. I will follow with more details on the process up to this point in my next post. It's good to be back in the blogging world!

3 days and 3 nights was enough!

 

 The Oceanside Pier where we strolled and ate dinner at the diner which is at the end of the pier

Shaun and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on June 16th. Since it always falls during Shaun's most busy time of the year it is hard to actually find time to celebrate. This year we actually didn't do anything in June to celebrate but decided to wait until a more opportune time (aka- less busy time) arose. We were fortunate to nab a great online deal for $50 for 2 nights in a hotel in various locations around the country.
At first I wanted to try Las Vegas because I have never been and because airline tickets from Denver to Vegas are cheap. I quickly changed my mind when a couple people assured me I would hate it there. Shaun and I are outdoors people who don't like crowds, don't really like visiting big cities, and would rather hike or drive around in God's beautiful creation than eat at fancy restaurants and sight see at various glitzy hotels/casinos.
So, needless to say, we chose Oceanside, CA instead. On the map it looked close enough to San Diego to be able to utilize a major airport, and it looked small enough to not give off the big city feel. We flew out Saturday morning and returned Monday afternoon. Shaun and I had a great time walking along the beach, sleeping in, soaking in the hot tub and eating out without two squirrely girls in tow, but I missed Katie and Addie so much more than I expected. As we left Denver International Airport, I started to feel more and more anxious as we crept closer and closer to picking up the girls. My mamma heart just wanted to hold them tight and make sure they knew I would never abandoned them.
The family who took care of the girls for the weekend said they did great but that they would sometimes walk around crying, calling out "Mommy". They said it was great to see the bond the twins have with us and how they never once became mommy or daddy to them.
It makes me incredibly grateful that these sweet girls who came to us as tiny little neglected babies, who couldn't even make eye contact because they were hardly ever held, nurtured, or loved in the first 4 months of their lives are now very bonded and attached to us. We are in the fullest extent of the words, Mommy and Daddy. The Lord has knit our family together and we are so thankful!
I was thankful for the break and a chance to enjoy being just a wife, rather than wife and mommy. However, I would say that until the girls are old enough to completely understand that we will be leaving but will be back in however many days, 3 days is quite long enough to be away!