Waiting on God's Timing

Last night we completed the 6th of 8 classes we are required to take before we can be licensed as foster parents. All in all, the classes have been very informative and enjoyable. We've met some new people and have been exposed to a whole new world of information and ideas that were foreign to us 3 months ago.

Thursday we begin the home study process. Shaun and I will each have individual interviews and then soon after that we will have an interview together. Then, they'll come into our home to make sure everything is up to foster care standards. We don't really know what to expect over the next couple of weeks, but we have been told that the questions can seem very invasive. We know that it's all for a purpose because they are trying to gain understanding into who we are and what children would be the best fit for us.

Last night we were told that just yesterday they had a 2 week old baby girl that they couldn't find a placement for! That is how difficult it has been lately to place kids. Good foster parents are needed. I found myself wishing we were licensed right now so we could have taken that baby girl. My heart yearns to care of a little baby and I had to remind myself to be patient and wait on God's timing. We won't be able to take a placement until July, and that seems like a long time from now. I often think to myself, "What if we miss out on the child that is perfect for us." However, I know that God has laid out our circumstances as they are, and when the time is right, He will bring the children to us that are meant to be in our home.

Part of me is very afraid of what lies ahead. Foster care has the potential of breaking my heart over and over again and I wonder if I'll be able to stand it. I don't know if I'll be able to welcome a child into our home, fall in love and form a strong attachment, only to watch the child go back to his or her biological family in the end. As much as it is sometimes tempting to say, "I can't do this", God has led us to foster care and I need to place my trust in His plan for our lives. He'll equip us for whatever lies ahead and all we can do is take one day at a time.

Worry and Rest

One year ago I was filled with hopes of having a baby. What seems so easy for most has been very difficult for us. It's been a year of whirlwind emotions, crushed dreams, many tears, and lots of prayer. Now we can even technically say that we have infertility since the definition of infertility is trying to conceive for 12 months with no pregnancy achievement.

Through it all, I know God has been molding us and making us into who He ultimately wants us to become. I have struggled to keep my hope alive and to find my true peace and rest in Him alone. Just this morning I was reading an article entitled, "Thinking Biblically About Worry". It proved to be a very timely article for my heart. I want to share a few nuggets of wisdom from this article that I plan on meditating on and praying over through the course of the next days. I think God is speaking very clearly to me right now and challenging me in some of my worries and constant struggles.

"Worry and rest always reveals the true treasures of your heart. You will rest the most when what you treasure the most is secure, and you will worry the most when what you treasure the most is at risk. What does your world of worry reveal about the true treasures of your heart?
Wow, that statement blew me away! For me, the answer is this....my world of worry for the past 12 months has been focused on whether God is going to bless us with children. My heart's treasure has rested on my great desire for children, rather than on His kingdom alone.

"Your life is always shaped by what you tell yourself you need. If need means "essential for life" to call something a need is a significant heart commitment. If you are convinced that something is a need, then it seems right to expect that you will have it and it seems natural to worry that you may not get it. Perhaps one of the sloppiest words used by human beings is the word need. The vast majority of the things we call needs are not needs. And Jesus would argue that the things that are true needs our heavenly Father will graciously provide."
Again, a dagger to my heart (a much needed dagger!). I realized as I read these words that I have convinced myself that my "need" for children is so great that I can never feel fulfilled and happy without it. However, I have misplaced my treasures. My greatest treasure has not been for my heavenly Father, but rather for a certain set of circumstances that I think I need to be happy.

"I am deeply persuaded that real, lasting personal rest of heart is never to be found in ease of circumstances. Even in the best of situations in this fallen world your heart will be able to find reasons for worry. Inner rest of soul and lasting peace of heart are only ever found when Jesus and His kingdom are your highest and deepest treasures. When you place your identity in His never-changing hands, when you find your meaning and purpose in the unstoppable work of His kingdom, and when you place your inner sense of well-being on the sure foundation of His promise to meet your every need, you will be able to rest even when the situations and relationships around you are broken."
I feel so far from this, but it is my deepest prayer and longing. I don't want to live in the place I've been for a year. I desire to find inner rest of soul and lasting peace of heart. May God mold me now into a woman who can rest in His hands.

For me, the struggle has been infertility, but I know that worry pervades all of our lives at one time or another because we are sinners in need of God's mercy and grace. I hope these words have been a comfort and encouragement to you, wherever you are in life's journey.


Excerpts taken from an article in "Tabletalk" magazine, January 2010 issue, written by Dr. Paul David Tripp

Filled With Appreciation

Since the primary purpose of this blog is to keep our friends and donors updated about our ministry with Eagle Lake, we wanted to use this post to express our appreciation for continued support in various ways.

In Mid-November we sent out a year-end letter asking people to pray about giving (maybe for the first time, and maybe just an extra gift) before the end of December to launch us into another year of ministry. God blessed that effort immensely and our hearts are filled with gratitude to all of you who responded to that letter and sacrificially gave of your resources to better equip us. November and December ended up being our largest giving months of the year! Praise God!!!

We are also grateful for all of the friends and family we were able to see over the last half of December. We were pleasantly surprised when 15 people showed up at Larae's parent's home for our appreciation open house. We enjoyed the time to visit with friends we hadn't seen in at least a year and we were able to give an update on our ministry. A few people contacted us about visiting over a meal, and we were blessed by those interactions. One of those evening with friends even ended in the mini-van that you can read about in my previous post :-)

Another highlight of our time in Illinois was the marriage of one of Larae's best friends, Kristin. Kristin was the last of my college girlfriends to get hitched and I had the honor of serving her as her personal attendant. I am incredibly grateful for Kristin's friendship, which we've maintained even though we no longer live close. It was a very fun day and even though we live 16 hours apart, I hope she and her new husband Jonathan will start making a habit of visiting Colorado. (Kristin, if you are reading this, that's a strong hint!)

Last but not least, we were blessed by time with family. Christmas eve and day were spent with Shaun's family, but we had many days before that to stay with Larae's parents and also visit her sister's family in Kansas. It's always fun to play with our nieces and nephews! During that visit, Shaun was dragged outside several times to jump on the trampoline even though it was below freezing outside.....not that he minds:-) He's a hit with the 4 year old twin boys.