15 weeks and finally starting to feel normal!

I am 15weeks 1 day today.Over the past couple of days I think am finally starting to feel more normal and I definitely have more energy. Not very much nausea anymore and eating isn't as difficult. I called my sister crying over the weekend. I was an emotional wreck and just worried I wasn't eating enough or the right foods. She's been through a twin pregnancy so understood where I was coming from and encouraged me that it's just for a few more months. I woke up the next day feeling much better and ready to conquer the challenge of feeding these babies what they need, even when I don't feel like eating what they need. Protein and fresh veggies are my biggest challenges right now. Getting 130-150 grams of protein each day is a challenge to say the least. I am SO thankful for Shaklee protein shakes which provide 24 grams of protein and lots of other great nutrition, so I am trying to do two of those each day.

I still don't have much of a baby bump. I guess even with twins since it's my first pregnancy and I'm tall, I am just not showing as much as some women would be. I am ready to start looking a little bit pregnant because it will feel more real that way, but it is nice to still be able to wear all my regular jeans for a week or two longer:-)

January 9th is when we will find out genders and I am anxiously counting down the days until then! It will be fun to know each baby by name and be able to pray specifically for each and just begin to plan more specifically for when they arrive. Thankfully I have lots of baby boy stuff from our previous 4 boy foster placements and from a sister who has 4 boys and lots of girl stuff from our girls. What do you think? Boy-boy, boy-girl, or girl-girl? We are really hoping for a boy to add to the mix but we know God is in control and we will love our kids no matter what!

What about the genetic family?

Have you wondered how the genetic parents are handling the news that we are expecting twins? Embryo adoption is an unusual form of adoption because the genetic parents are typically upper middle class, happily married in their late 30's or 40's, with other children already. Those traits are opposite of what you typically see in a mother choosing infant adoption. In the eyes of the law, embryo adoption doesn't actually even exist. Embryos are considered property. But, because we believe these embryos are lives from the moment of conception, we chose to work with an adoption agency who values life like we do (www.nightlight.org), and we choose to use the term embryo adoption. We will keep in regular contact with the genetic family and these children will have the opportunity to know them if they so desire in the future. It is truly adoption in that sense, not just embryo donation.

The genetic parents of the babies I am carrying have given us an incredible gift. The news that two of their genetic offspring will be born and grow up in this world without them as parents must be difficult to process. So, when my pregnancy was confirmed, I found myself wondering how they were dealing with the news. We have email contact through the adoption agency and I have agreed to keep them updated on news throughout the pregnancy because that is what they desire.

A few weeks ago I received an email from the genetic mother. She was very honest in how she's processing the news. I want to share it with you today because I think it's an important piece to the embryo adoption journey. The genetic parents have obviously played a huge role in this process and their feelings and perspective should be considered. I am glad I can get a bit of understanding into how she's doing so that I can pray for her and the whole family.

Here is what she had to say:
How exciting you are having twins. I am very happy for you but also a little bit saddened (no worries though) that I am not the one carrying those beautiful little babies. It is all good though because I know that deep down I don't have the energy to add two more little ones (especially at the same time) to our family. I am getting too old for that. So I am very, very happy that our little ones are getting the best parents that they could who will love them and care for them and cherish them as well as we would have ourselves. Those kids are going to have great lives.


In my opinion, it is pretty incredible that any mother can make the choice to allow another couple to be the parents to her child, whether at the embryonic stage or at the infant stage. I am just so thankful God has redeemed the broken things of this world and given these children a chance at life. 

Motherhood: my place of service

The other day was a bit of a rough parenting day. I felt overwhelmed by all the ways I fail my girls on a daily basis. There are so many things to teach and train and some days it just feels like I am not being the mom I want to be. If you are a mom I'm sure you can relate to having those days.

Then I took my girls grocery shopping with me and they were over tired and fussy. The lady checking me out asked me how old my kids were and I said they are 3 1/2. She half smiled and replied, "That's why I only have one and one is enough." I didn't bother to tell her that I have two more on the way. As I was walking out to the car I told the girls I probably won't be taking any kids shopping with me after the babies are born. How in the world would I manage it? Unless I turn it into mommy dates with one kid at a time....that could be fun!

It has really hit me that my life is going to change dramatically when we welcome these two babies into our family. Taking four kids four and under anywhere will be challenging so I'm going to have to carefully choose what I do with my time. I really don't want to give up everything, so I hope I can do a Bible study or MOPS or something once a week. It is just hard to predict what I will be able to handle.

It was all feeling like too much and I was getting discouraged by life in the trenches with little ones. Then I sat down to read my devotional (which I had neglected to do lately so that's probably one of the reasons I was so discouraged!) and it was incredibly timely and spoke directly to my heart. Here is the last paragraph from the Daily Discipleship daily reading that gave me just what I needed that day:

A servant of Christ cannot choose his place of service, nor the type of service he will render to the Lord. God chooses both of these things. But along with God's choice, He gives us the wisdom and strength we need.

I wouldn't have chosen 2 sets of twins, or even four children, but God chose that for me and our family. I am so excited and happy about that fact, but also terrified. Will I be able to handle the tasks at hand, the sleep deprivation, the constant needs of my children, the endless meals and feedings? My service to the Lord right now is raising children who (Lord willing) will love and serve Christ with their whole hearts as they grow. I am to be faithful in that service. He will give me the wisdom and strength that I need if I am seeking Him, and in those times that I fail, there is grace- beautiful, amazing grace.

12 weeks

Yesterday was my 12 week appointment and ultrasound. I was just a little bit nervous that the ultrasound would reveal some sort of bad news, which I think is probably a normal feeling leading up to these sorts of things. My friend came with me for moral support because Shaun wasn't able to make it due to work.

I also had a tiny fear that there would be three babies in there. When I got my first ultrasound with the midwife, she stopped looking around for any more babies after she found the second one, so I just wasn't completely convinced there weren't triplets!

Good news, there are only two very healthy, very active babies growing safe in my womb. May I present Baby A:

and Baby B:

and here they are together striking the exact same pose (right arm up in the air by their heads):

It was pretty incredible to watch them moving so much on the screen, raising their arms, kicking their legs, and realize that they are doing all of that inside of me and yet it is almost impossible to tell I am pregnant at this point since I am barely showing and I don't feel any movement. 

I am excited for the changes that will begin to take place over the next couple of months, feeling movement, finding out gender on January 9th, and beginning to actually look pregnant so it will seem more real.

I also loved my obstetrician. Yesterday was the first time I had met her and she answered all of my questions how I was hoping she would. She is all for doing a natural vaginal delivery of these babies if everything is looking good and babies are in a good position. She won't induce me at any point before 40 weeks if there is not a good reason to do so, and in general she has a low c-section rate because she believes in vaginal deliveries. Now, I realize that because I am carrying twins I will be holding all of my hopes for a natural birth experience with an open hand. The most important thing is to get these babies into the world safely. It was good to see that so far they are both doing splendidly. There are absolutely no concerns so we can go into this Christmas season with joyful anticipation.

My Goal: Carry these babies until May 25th!

So, I've been reading a book called When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy  Dr. Barbara Luke. It is opening my eyes to how I can have a healthy pregnancy and more importantly healthy, good sized babies who are not born early.

When I first found out I was carrying twins, I was most nervous about the pregnancy part. I've done the twin baby thing before but never the pregnancy, birth and breast feeding! I have read many stories of women having their twins prematurely and when you read about twins online the articles always say how much higher risk twin pregnancies are than singletons. So, I was nervous. I desperately don't want my babies to spend weeks in the NICU so if I can do anything to give them a better start in life I am going to do it.

So, I went on the hunt for some solid information about carrying twins to at least 36 weeks, which for me is May 25th. This book is exactly what I was looking for. It is written by a doctor who has spent her career studying mothers of multiples and she has developed some excellent protocols to follow to give multiples the best start in life.

I won't go into everything, but I wanted to enlighten you on the 2 major things I've learned while reading this book. First, I am going to gain a lot and that's ok, in fact, it is a primary goal of mine to gain at least 50 pounds. Dr. Luke has found that the women who gain adequate weight most often give birth to babies who are not premature and who are a very healthy weight, 5-7 lbs each. Guess how many calories I should be consuming each day? Think professional athlete here.....3500!!! I still have a hard to wrapping my mind around just how much food that is! She gives examples of women having a milkshake every night and having no guilt whatsoever about it. Hydration is another huge part of a healthy pregnancy and she recommends a gallon of water a day. So, between the eating and the drinking, I feel like I am constantly putting something in my mouth. If you have any great ideas for high protein snacks let me know. I'm already tired of eating!

Adequate rest is the other key component to a successful multiples pregnancy. I am not to feel guilty about putting my feet up whenever possible and delegating some household chores to my husband. So far I haven't had to do much of that but in the coming weeks I know it will happen and Shaun has promised to have a good attitude:-) I am thankful I don't have a job I have to go to every day. The girls are at an age that I can lay down on the couch while they play for an hour and most of the time they do great without me needing to intervene in any conflicts. I am so thankful my children are 3 1/2 and will be over 4 by the time these next two babies join our family. They will be my big helpers.

Adoption and my family

You could say that adoption runs in my family. This week my entire family was together here in Colorado for Thanksgiving. My parents have 3 children and including the two babies in my womb, 12 grandchildren. Six of those grandchildren are adopted!

My brother and his wife were the first to adopt. They adopted a sweet baby boy at birth and then 18 months later they got a call from his birth mother announcing she was pregnant again, same birthfather even! She asked my brother and his wife if they would adopt her second child. It wasn't exactly in their plan to have their children 18 months apart but of course they said yes and welcomed a precious baby girl into their family.

Then Shaun and I entered the adoption world in 2013 when we finally adopted our twin girls who had been with us for two years by that time. What a beautiful gift and picture of Christ restoring the broken things in this world. When I think back to that time I remember the extreme emotions I dealt with every day. The Lord gave me the grace to handle those months and years and we can look back now with relief and thanksgiving. We continue to pray for both of their birth parents, knowing they are in dark places, needing the light. I only hope we will meet in heaven again someday and rejoice over the story God wrote.

All of the wonderful people who came to our girls' adoption

Now, we are expecting twins who are adopted. It's a strange thing to most people that I could be pregnant with our adopted children, but this is the day in age that we live in. We are doing a teeny tiny part in helping ease the problem of frozen babies waiting in limbo on ice for someone to give them a chance at life. I asked Shaun when we first found out about a second set of twins if he wished we had only implanted one embryo and he didn't even hesitate before he said, "No, not at all. This is the plan God has for our family." Boy, I do love that man!

This week as my family was visiting I had some good conversations with my sister (who has identical twin boys so I guess twins run in the family too!). She brought up a great point that I have been pondering ever since. She knew I was hoping for only one baby because the thought of doing twins again was a bit scary, but she pointed out that God has formed our family in the most amazing way. There are six adopted children and each of those precious lives has a biological sibling! I had never thought of that, but as I've been thinking about it, I am so thankful there are two babies growing inside of me right now! I realize that children who are adopted often have to process through a lot of emotions as they grow into adults and having a sibling there who completely gets it and is able to listen and empathize will be a vital part of their development and acceptance of the story God has written for each one.

Today I am thankful for a fresh perspective on the things the Lord is doing in my life, in the lives of my precious children, and in my entire family. I truly believe adoption has changed how each of us views family, children, and the world in general. Praise be to God!