This has been a tough week. There hasn't been a day without tears shed. We've been told that our first foster placement was an especially difficult one. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. I find myself wondering why God would allow us to feel the pain of losing Jeremiah after experiencing a year and a half of infertility. Then, in the same breath I realize that our pain is nothing compared to some of the stories I've read from women who have experienced many more years of infertility, then many miscarriages, failed adoptions and failed IVF, only to finally find joy at the end of a very long and difficult road with the blessing of a child whether through adoption or conception of a biological baby. When I think about these things, the Holy Spirit always reminds me that each of us has been given a cross to bear and that cross is perfect for each individual. There are people in this life who will suffer far greater pain than me, and there are people who will seem to have such an easy and peaceful life. I may not understand why, but I do have to trust that the cross God has given me is perfect and is a blessing. It is growing me closer to Him, and that's the purpose of a cross. I am learning obedience and that is a marvelous thing.
Even through the pain of losing Jeremiah, Shaun and I are looking to the future with anticipation. As strange as it seems, this experience has only been a reaffirmation of our calling into foster care. People ask us if we're willing to do it again, and the answer is "YES". It's painful yes, but we've been given a glimpse into the awful lives of these children and God has called us to care for them, to give them a loving home for as long as we can. I pray that He will sooner than later bring a child to us who will be ours forever, but until then, we want to love the child we haven't met yet. I trust that God will give us the strength for the task ahead. I think I'm beginning to have a much better understanding of the verse that says, "when I am weak, then HE is strong".
