One small step

We are so relieved to report that today's court hearing moved us one small step closer to adopting the girls! The judge ruled to begin moving slowly toward termination of the birth mother's parental rights. There is still not a lot of strong evidence for or against the birth mother, but there was enough against her today to make the judge see that this is the direction that things need to start moving.

Our prayers are still that the girls' birth mother would get out of the darkness that she is living in, but we also realize that being their parent is most likely not what is best for the girls. Only God knows the outcome but we are so thankful for the news we received today. The coming weeks will be much easier to handle.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Today I find myself thinking a lot about the journey we have been on for almost 2 1/2 years and the journey that so many other women find themselves on. Mother's Day is a wonderful way to celebrate the mothers in our lives. Both Shaun and I are blessed with wonderful mothers who gave sacrificially for and to us as we were growing up and now continue to give of themselves to their grandchildren and adult children. I want to celebrate the special women in my life who have been blessed as mothers.

However, I know the pain that Mother's Day means for so many women who have experienced infertility, miscarriages, or the death of a child. That journey often means a Mother's Day filled with tears, avoiding church because it is too painful, and wondering if the longing you feel for a child will ever be fulfilled. I know that pain first hand and I don't ever want to forget about it. I still feel it sometimes because my identity as a mother is not set in stone. Each day I rise to the sweet chatter of 14 month twin girls who are mine in my heart, but not in the eyes of the law. I live with the fear of losing these sweet girls, but I have also had my hearts desire fulfilled as we've embarked on the journey of foster care. The pain in my heart has lessened over the past year and I thank God for that.

If you are reading this and are a woman who longs for a child but God has not granted you that desire, I hope you know that God still loves you with an everlasting love. He sees your pain and is right there holding you up with His right hand giving you strength for THIS day. The emotions you experience are real and even though no one else on earth may understand exactly what you are feeling, God knows. He has a purpose. It took me a long to believe that for myself, but as I've seen Him working in our lives He has proven Himself faithful.

A friend of mine who has also traveled the road of infertility recently reminded me of this hymn. The lyrics are poignant and true. Sometimes it just takes time to see the truth.

Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under his wings, yes, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how all thy longings have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

From "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty"