15 weeks and finally starting to feel normal!

I am 15weeks 1 day today.Over the past couple of days I think am finally starting to feel more normal and I definitely have more energy. Not very much nausea anymore and eating isn't as difficult. I called my sister crying over the weekend. I was an emotional wreck and just worried I wasn't eating enough or the right foods. She's been through a twin pregnancy so understood where I was coming from and encouraged me that it's just for a few more months. I woke up the next day feeling much better and ready to conquer the challenge of feeding these babies what they need, even when I don't feel like eating what they need. Protein and fresh veggies are my biggest challenges right now. Getting 130-150 grams of protein each day is a challenge to say the least. I am SO thankful for Shaklee protein shakes which provide 24 grams of protein and lots of other great nutrition, so I am trying to do two of those each day.

I still don't have much of a baby bump. I guess even with twins since it's my first pregnancy and I'm tall, I am just not showing as much as some women would be. I am ready to start looking a little bit pregnant because it will feel more real that way, but it is nice to still be able to wear all my regular jeans for a week or two longer:-)

January 9th is when we will find out genders and I am anxiously counting down the days until then! It will be fun to know each baby by name and be able to pray specifically for each and just begin to plan more specifically for when they arrive. Thankfully I have lots of baby boy stuff from our previous 4 boy foster placements and from a sister who has 4 boys and lots of girl stuff from our girls. What do you think? Boy-boy, boy-girl, or girl-girl? We are really hoping for a boy to add to the mix but we know God is in control and we will love our kids no matter what!

What about the genetic family?

Have you wondered how the genetic parents are handling the news that we are expecting twins? Embryo adoption is an unusual form of adoption because the genetic parents are typically upper middle class, happily married in their late 30's or 40's, with other children already. Those traits are opposite of what you typically see in a mother choosing infant adoption. In the eyes of the law, embryo adoption doesn't actually even exist. Embryos are considered property. But, because we believe these embryos are lives from the moment of conception, we chose to work with an adoption agency who values life like we do (www.nightlight.org), and we choose to use the term embryo adoption. We will keep in regular contact with the genetic family and these children will have the opportunity to know them if they so desire in the future. It is truly adoption in that sense, not just embryo donation.

The genetic parents of the babies I am carrying have given us an incredible gift. The news that two of their genetic offspring will be born and grow up in this world without them as parents must be difficult to process. So, when my pregnancy was confirmed, I found myself wondering how they were dealing with the news. We have email contact through the adoption agency and I have agreed to keep them updated on news throughout the pregnancy because that is what they desire.

A few weeks ago I received an email from the genetic mother. She was very honest in how she's processing the news. I want to share it with you today because I think it's an important piece to the embryo adoption journey. The genetic parents have obviously played a huge role in this process and their feelings and perspective should be considered. I am glad I can get a bit of understanding into how she's doing so that I can pray for her and the whole family.

Here is what she had to say:
How exciting you are having twins. I am very happy for you but also a little bit saddened (no worries though) that I am not the one carrying those beautiful little babies. It is all good though because I know that deep down I don't have the energy to add two more little ones (especially at the same time) to our family. I am getting too old for that. So I am very, very happy that our little ones are getting the best parents that they could who will love them and care for them and cherish them as well as we would have ourselves. Those kids are going to have great lives.


In my opinion, it is pretty incredible that any mother can make the choice to allow another couple to be the parents to her child, whether at the embryonic stage or at the infant stage. I am just so thankful God has redeemed the broken things of this world and given these children a chance at life. 

Motherhood: my place of service

The other day was a bit of a rough parenting day. I felt overwhelmed by all the ways I fail my girls on a daily basis. There are so many things to teach and train and some days it just feels like I am not being the mom I want to be. If you are a mom I'm sure you can relate to having those days.

Then I took my girls grocery shopping with me and they were over tired and fussy. The lady checking me out asked me how old my kids were and I said they are 3 1/2. She half smiled and replied, "That's why I only have one and one is enough." I didn't bother to tell her that I have two more on the way. As I was walking out to the car I told the girls I probably won't be taking any kids shopping with me after the babies are born. How in the world would I manage it? Unless I turn it into mommy dates with one kid at a time....that could be fun!

It has really hit me that my life is going to change dramatically when we welcome these two babies into our family. Taking four kids four and under anywhere will be challenging so I'm going to have to carefully choose what I do with my time. I really don't want to give up everything, so I hope I can do a Bible study or MOPS or something once a week. It is just hard to predict what I will be able to handle.

It was all feeling like too much and I was getting discouraged by life in the trenches with little ones. Then I sat down to read my devotional (which I had neglected to do lately so that's probably one of the reasons I was so discouraged!) and it was incredibly timely and spoke directly to my heart. Here is the last paragraph from the Daily Discipleship daily reading that gave me just what I needed that day:

A servant of Christ cannot choose his place of service, nor the type of service he will render to the Lord. God chooses both of these things. But along with God's choice, He gives us the wisdom and strength we need.

I wouldn't have chosen 2 sets of twins, or even four children, but God chose that for me and our family. I am so excited and happy about that fact, but also terrified. Will I be able to handle the tasks at hand, the sleep deprivation, the constant needs of my children, the endless meals and feedings? My service to the Lord right now is raising children who (Lord willing) will love and serve Christ with their whole hearts as they grow. I am to be faithful in that service. He will give me the wisdom and strength that I need if I am seeking Him, and in those times that I fail, there is grace- beautiful, amazing grace.

12 weeks

Yesterday was my 12 week appointment and ultrasound. I was just a little bit nervous that the ultrasound would reveal some sort of bad news, which I think is probably a normal feeling leading up to these sorts of things. My friend came with me for moral support because Shaun wasn't able to make it due to work.

I also had a tiny fear that there would be three babies in there. When I got my first ultrasound with the midwife, she stopped looking around for any more babies after she found the second one, so I just wasn't completely convinced there weren't triplets!

Good news, there are only two very healthy, very active babies growing safe in my womb. May I present Baby A:

and Baby B:

and here they are together striking the exact same pose (right arm up in the air by their heads):

It was pretty incredible to watch them moving so much on the screen, raising their arms, kicking their legs, and realize that they are doing all of that inside of me and yet it is almost impossible to tell I am pregnant at this point since I am barely showing and I don't feel any movement. 

I am excited for the changes that will begin to take place over the next couple of months, feeling movement, finding out gender on January 9th, and beginning to actually look pregnant so it will seem more real.

I also loved my obstetrician. Yesterday was the first time I had met her and she answered all of my questions how I was hoping she would. She is all for doing a natural vaginal delivery of these babies if everything is looking good and babies are in a good position. She won't induce me at any point before 40 weeks if there is not a good reason to do so, and in general she has a low c-section rate because she believes in vaginal deliveries. Now, I realize that because I am carrying twins I will be holding all of my hopes for a natural birth experience with an open hand. The most important thing is to get these babies into the world safely. It was good to see that so far they are both doing splendidly. There are absolutely no concerns so we can go into this Christmas season with joyful anticipation.

My Goal: Carry these babies until May 25th!

So, I've been reading a book called When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy  Dr. Barbara Luke. It is opening my eyes to how I can have a healthy pregnancy and more importantly healthy, good sized babies who are not born early.

When I first found out I was carrying twins, I was most nervous about the pregnancy part. I've done the twin baby thing before but never the pregnancy, birth and breast feeding! I have read many stories of women having their twins prematurely and when you read about twins online the articles always say how much higher risk twin pregnancies are than singletons. So, I was nervous. I desperately don't want my babies to spend weeks in the NICU so if I can do anything to give them a better start in life I am going to do it.

So, I went on the hunt for some solid information about carrying twins to at least 36 weeks, which for me is May 25th. This book is exactly what I was looking for. It is written by a doctor who has spent her career studying mothers of multiples and she has developed some excellent protocols to follow to give multiples the best start in life.

I won't go into everything, but I wanted to enlighten you on the 2 major things I've learned while reading this book. First, I am going to gain a lot and that's ok, in fact, it is a primary goal of mine to gain at least 50 pounds. Dr. Luke has found that the women who gain adequate weight most often give birth to babies who are not premature and who are a very healthy weight, 5-7 lbs each. Guess how many calories I should be consuming each day? Think professional athlete here.....3500!!! I still have a hard to wrapping my mind around just how much food that is! She gives examples of women having a milkshake every night and having no guilt whatsoever about it. Hydration is another huge part of a healthy pregnancy and she recommends a gallon of water a day. So, between the eating and the drinking, I feel like I am constantly putting something in my mouth. If you have any great ideas for high protein snacks let me know. I'm already tired of eating!

Adequate rest is the other key component to a successful multiples pregnancy. I am not to feel guilty about putting my feet up whenever possible and delegating some household chores to my husband. So far I haven't had to do much of that but in the coming weeks I know it will happen and Shaun has promised to have a good attitude:-) I am thankful I don't have a job I have to go to every day. The girls are at an age that I can lay down on the couch while they play for an hour and most of the time they do great without me needing to intervene in any conflicts. I am so thankful my children are 3 1/2 and will be over 4 by the time these next two babies join our family. They will be my big helpers.

Adoption and my family

You could say that adoption runs in my family. This week my entire family was together here in Colorado for Thanksgiving. My parents have 3 children and including the two babies in my womb, 12 grandchildren. Six of those grandchildren are adopted!

My brother and his wife were the first to adopt. They adopted a sweet baby boy at birth and then 18 months later they got a call from his birth mother announcing she was pregnant again, same birthfather even! She asked my brother and his wife if they would adopt her second child. It wasn't exactly in their plan to have their children 18 months apart but of course they said yes and welcomed a precious baby girl into their family.

Then Shaun and I entered the adoption world in 2013 when we finally adopted our twin girls who had been with us for two years by that time. What a beautiful gift and picture of Christ restoring the broken things in this world. When I think back to that time I remember the extreme emotions I dealt with every day. The Lord gave me the grace to handle those months and years and we can look back now with relief and thanksgiving. We continue to pray for both of their birth parents, knowing they are in dark places, needing the light. I only hope we will meet in heaven again someday and rejoice over the story God wrote.

All of the wonderful people who came to our girls' adoption

Now, we are expecting twins who are adopted. It's a strange thing to most people that I could be pregnant with our adopted children, but this is the day in age that we live in. We are doing a teeny tiny part in helping ease the problem of frozen babies waiting in limbo on ice for someone to give them a chance at life. I asked Shaun when we first found out about a second set of twins if he wished we had only implanted one embryo and he didn't even hesitate before he said, "No, not at all. This is the plan God has for our family." Boy, I do love that man!

This week as my family was visiting I had some good conversations with my sister (who has identical twin boys so I guess twins run in the family too!). She brought up a great point that I have been pondering ever since. She knew I was hoping for only one baby because the thought of doing twins again was a bit scary, but she pointed out that God has formed our family in the most amazing way. There are six adopted children and each of those precious lives has a biological sibling! I had never thought of that, but as I've been thinking about it, I am so thankful there are two babies growing inside of me right now! I realize that children who are adopted often have to process through a lot of emotions as they grow into adults and having a sibling there who completely gets it and is able to listen and empathize will be a vital part of their development and acceptance of the story God has written for each one.

Today I am thankful for a fresh perspective on the things the Lord is doing in my life, in the lives of my precious children, and in my entire family. I truly believe adoption has changed how each of us views family, children, and the world in general. Praise be to God!

My thoughts on sharing this pregnancy journey after my own journey through infertility

For close to five years now I have been one of those women who dreads baby showers, Facebook pregnancy announcements, and those month by month belly shots posted so innocently by moms to be. If you've struggled with infertility you know what I mean. I swore to myself long ago that if I ever became pregnant I would not be one of those people who shares every detail of my pregnancy online for all to see. I didn't want to cause pain to someone else who may be struggling daily for peace in the midst of infertility pain. My own journey definitely has made me sensitive to the struggle that other women face.

Now I find myself pregnant due to a miraculous course of events. No, I am not pregnant with my own biological children, but somehow that makes it even more miraculous! I rejoice in the two lives I am carrying and I have shared this journey through this blog and on my Facebook page. I have questioned whether or not I should continue sharing for the very reasons I just mentioned. I do not want to cause pain, but at the same time I know I personally found so much hope in hearing stories of women who had overcome their childlessness and were now rejoicing in motherhood, whether through adoption or their own biological children.

My hope in sharing my own journey is that I can give hope to women who feel hopeless right now. God has knit our family together in amazing ways through foster adoption of identical twins and now through embryo adoption of fraternal twins. I would never in my wildest dreams have ever imagined we would be the parents of two sets of adopted twins! I wonder how many other people in the world can say that? So, if you are reading this and wondering if you'll ever be a mom, I hope you can open yourself up to the story God wants to write. Don't give up hope and know that I haven't forgotten what those years of longing were like. I hope I am always mindful and sensitive to those still in the trenches of infertility. May the God of all peace and comfort give you rest and peace today.

One, two, or three? Here's the answer!

Can you tell from the picture below? That's right, we're having twins! Ahhhhhhh!!!

Two beautiful strong heartbeats, two beautiful grape sized babies! Amazing and wonderful and a bit overwhelming. I think Shaun is in shock but he seems happy too. I am not shocked because I knew it was a very likely possibility. We have 7 months to get used to this idea so it will be okay. We are doubly blessed today for sure.

The midwife said she doesn't have any doubt that both babies are very healthy. As soon as she moved the ultrasound wand just a little bit I heard a second heartbeat and I knew there were two in there. I am very relieved it's not 3 since I've heard a few of those stories where one embryo splits and you end up with triplets. I definitely would have needed some time to adjust to that news. We've done twins before, we can do it again, right?

I won't be able to stay with the midwife but she gave me three recommendations for obstetricians who are willing to do things as naturally as possible, even with twin pregnancies so I will look into those options.

Tomorrow is almost here!

This is the stage of our baby/babies right now (8 weeks)

It's been a long week. Subzero temperatures means we've been inside all week without going anywhere and I've been counting down the days to my first ultrasound. MOPS was cancelled today because the schools were on a 2 hour delay and I was so looking forward to an outing! I am anxiously excited to finally get this ultrasound tomorrow at 10 AM. Is there one or two babies safely growing inside of me? I can't stop thinking about it and am so ready to know.

If I am totally honest I have to say that I would prefer just one baby after raising one set of twins. Doing twins again is slightly terrifying and so is the thought of being pregnant with twins.We transferred two embryos because we wanted to give both babies a chance at life knowing each embryo only has a less than 50% of surviving. Ultimately we know God is in control of life. He knows what is best for our family, and I trust that. I don't wish for one of these babies to die or not live so I guess it's hard to describe my desires. I guess we will just have to wait and see what tomorrow reveals. More than anything I hope and pray that we will see at least one healthy, growing, thriving baby and see the flickering of his/her tiny heart!

Meeting the midwife

Call the Midwife anyone?

Today we met the midwife for the first time. It was just a consultation to get any questions answered as well as to schedule my first ultrasound. I was very happy with the vibe that I got from the midwife we have chosen. She seemed like a very gentle, calm, kind person. Just the kind of person you'd want to help you through one of the most challenging days of your life.

My first ultrasound will be next Friday. I am excited to finally find out if our family will be adding one or two more people to it! I think there is just one baby but I've had many people tell me they think it's twins. Nine more days and we will know for sure.

I've had several people ask me lately why in the world I am choosing a midwife and a homebirth so I thought I'd give you my top reasons. I know some of you may strongly disagree with these reasons but that is why I am thankful we live in a country where we are able to make these decisions for ourselves. What is right for me may not be right for someone else.

#1 reason I desire a homebirth:
I want to be in control of my own health and the health of my baby in a setting that enables me to labor how I choose and away from the likely interventions that doctors and hospitals can pressure women into who are under a serious amount of pain and stress.

#2
I want to work with a midwife who has a similar philosophy of health that I do. Pregnant women are not sick  and often don't really need a doctors care. I firmly believe that there are more c-sections performed in this country that are actually medically necessary. Midwives are more willing to work with a woman through her labor and not try to rush things. Plus, there are plenty of studies that have proven midwives delivering at home is very safe for women who have no medical problems.

#3
I greatly desire a natural birth experience and being in a hospital setting would put me right in the place that would tempt me to receive pain meds or an epidural in my moments of intense pain. I have confidence in my bodies ability to deliver a baby without pain meds and since this is most likely my one and only pregnancy I'd like to have that experience.

Positives and Negatives

As I was cleaning the kitchen after our usual Saturday breakfast of pancakes and eggs I found myself thinking about the positives and negatives of sharing this journey with you through this blog. For sure one of the big negatives is the fact that I am only 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. Most women aren't even sharing their pregnancy news by this time because early miscarriages seem to be so common. I am very aware of the fact that I am very early in my pregnancy and anything could happen. I don't live in fear of miscarriage at all, but I am not naive. I have known too many women who have experienced the tragedy of early miscarriage and have read many stories of embryo adoption that have started out with good blood results only to find out their baby wasn't growing at a healthy rate soon thereafter.

Sharing this journey means I am opening myself up to having lots of people I know and even some I don't know completely aware of our loss if a loss were to happen. That would make it very hard to face people because I would have a hard time knowing how to handle their sadness for me. On the other hand, if all goes well and our baby continues to grow healthy and strong, we have the blessing of sharing our joy with so many. This baby is a miracle and it is my hope that learning about embryo adoption will lead people to share about it with people they know who might want to consider this option as a wonderful solution to infertility. Educating people is really the main reason we decided to be so open about everything we are going through. There are so many frozen babies needing to find a family!

People have been asking me a lot how I am feeling. The best way to sum it up is that I walk around feeling mildly car sick most of the time and I am more tired. I will lay my head on my pillow during the girls' quiet time each afternoon and I actually fall asleep! I have always had a hard time actually taking naps but that is not a problem anymore. Shaun and I are getting in the habit of heading to bed before 9 PM every night. He gets up before 5 AM for his bus driving route and I am just tired!

We have our first appointment with our midwife next week Wednesday. It is just a consultation to ask her any questions we have and to make sure we are both comfortable with having her as my midwife. Then I will hopefully get my first ultrasound scheduled for the following week. I need to get an ultrasound around 8-9 weeks so I can send a copy to the fertility clinic in Michigan.

We got our first note from the genetic family the other day once they received the news that I am pregnant. They said they are very happy for us and would enjoy hearing updates throughout the pregnancy as we find out more. It's good to know they have positive feelings about this pregnancy although I can imagine it's also difficult to some degree.

Hurdle #3

This morning we officially crossed over hurdle #3 when I received my results from my third and final blood test. The hcg level for this last test was 6067! Anything over 4000 is what we were hoping for. I am so encouraged that each test had such great numbers. Now to wait for my first ultrasound and find out if there are one or two babies in there! My hopes have always been to have a homebirth if I were to ever get pregnant, but in Colorado midwives cannot treat women pregnant with multiples. So, if it is a singleton I will go with a midwife. If it is twins I will go with my obstetrician. Time will tell and until then I will just enjoy being pregnant.

More good news

No, I didn't take a HPT. This is just an image from the web.

We got more good news this morning when my lab results showed up in my inbox. My HCG level was 995! This basically means the baby (or babies) are continuing to grow as they should be doing. My level on Monday was 154 and the numbers are supposed to double every 48 hours or so. One more test to go on Tuesday and then I am pretty sure the next thing will be an ultrasound at 6 or 8 weeks (right now I am 4 weeks 5 days). Things are starting to feel real. I still say to Shaun every day "I am pregnant! That is so weird to say. So surreal." 

It just goes to show you can never predict how things in your life will turn out. If you are reading this and you are wondering if you will ever be a mom or if you will ever get to carry a child, please don't give up hope. God sees you and knows your heart's desire. I am in awe of the way the Lord has written our story. Definitely not the way we would have written it, but abounding with blessing along the way. I am so thankful. We have two sweet girls who we didn't meet until they were 4 months old, but who are now 3 1/2 and the light of our lives! And, we have been blessed with the dream of experiencing pregnancy by giving life to embryo babies that were frozen over four years ago. Amazing, just amazing.

Results are in.....

The past couple of days have been longer than the first 10 all together but I survived the dreaded 2 week wait. Although in my case it was actually 12 days. I also resisted the temptation to pee on a stick! But, alas, I finally got the results we've been waiting for and I AM OFFICIALLY PREGNANT! I honestly never thought I'd say that until the idea of embryo adoption because a reality about 6 months ago. Then there was hope again.

The numbers looked great today, exactly where they should be for 4 weeks pregnant. Now I will have another blood draw on Friday and another next Tuesday because I guess sometime the first reading can be good and then the embryos could stop growing and numbers could drop down again. But, we are not expecting that and we remain positive and expectant of wonderful blessings for our family with the knowledge that there is life within me. We have crossed this first hurdle and it feels great!

In honor of my twin girls

Today's post is in honor of the two little ladies whom I have the privilege of mothering each and every day. There was a time not too long ago that I wondered why God gave me such a strong desire to be a mother if He would withhold that blessing. Then, on July 20, 2011, I met for the first time two blond haired, blue eyed, tiny babies who stole my heart right away. They just felt like ours! Fourteen months went by as I loved them as my own even though there was another woman who called herself mommy, who saw them three times a week, who loved them in her own way but in the end just couldn't be the kind of mother that they needed. Katie and Addie, you made me a mommy, the only title I ever really wanted. I feel so blessed and privileged to wake up and get to spend each day with you.

 I have been pondering how I will respond if next week I don't get a positive pregnancy test (even though I am fully expecting and planning for a positive!). I feel very confident and hopeful, but I also know I am not God and cannot say for sure what is going to happen. The past 4 years have had their share of heartaches for me as we walked through infertility, then we started foster care and had to say goodbye to all four of the little boys who were entrusted to us even though we would have happily adopted any of them. Knowing that Katie and Addie are permanently part of our family and that I will forever be their mommy has made all of that heartache worth it. It has also helped me to realize that if for whatever reason, a baby isn't the end result of this journey, I will be okay. If we were going through this and it was our last shot at becoming parents I know it would be hard on a whole different level. The Lord has taught me much about contentment. I can and will be content with the family He has given me no matter what. I'm sure I will still grieve if these baby embryos don't survive but I completely trust God's plan for them and for us. It's a great place to be!

Update on the other 2 embryos

I got a call from the nurse at the clinic yesterday. She informed me that the other two embryos did not survive. I trusted those embryo babies to the Lord, knowing what happened would be good and right. Shaun and I had already decided this is our one time shot due mainly to finances but also due to my health with my recurring ovarian cysts and endometriosis. If those other two embryos had survived we would have had to let the genetic family choose another family to adopt them. Now these two embryos that are growing inside of me are the last remaining genetic children of a very selfless and generous family in Michigan. We are so thankful for the gift they have given our family and we will continue to pray that they both keep growing and thriving.

When we got home from our trip on Saturday the first thing one of the girls said was, "Did you get a baby?" I showed them both the pictures of the embryos and explained that I did get two babies but that they are teeny tiny and growing inside of my tummy. They both asked to kiss the babies in my tummy. It was a precious moment. We've been praying each night with the girls for the babies that will be in my tummy so they definitely have some concept of what is going on, but it's fun to hear it from the mouth of a three year old.

I will have my first pregnancy test next Monday, October 13th. It will be a blood test and I probably won't get the results until Tuesday. I don't want to spend the next week worrying and obsessing over every little possible symptom. I realized yesterday that this is in all likelihood the only time I will ever be pregnant so I want to enjoy each day rather than spending the beginning of the pregnancy anxious and concerned. Life will go on as usual for the next 8 days and I want to just enjoy the thought of two precious lives growing inside of me. I know for most women pregnancy is just a normal occurrance that happens sometimes without even trying, something that can be taken for granted, but for me, it is a miracle I had given up on about 4 years ago. It is strange to have hope again. It is strange to think I could be counted as one of the pregnant ones!

I am debating about whether or not to take a home pregnancy test on Sunday or not. I feel like it would just be a waste of money and I also don't want to get a false reading and either have false hope or false disappointment. What do you think? Should I do a home test or not?

Embryo Transfer Day!

This verse sums up why we chose embryo adoption. God has knit these tiny lives together from the moment of conception and they deserve a chance.

For all of you who have asked for a more detailed update, here it is! We are thrilled to announce that 2 healthy 8 cell three day embryos were implanted into my uterus this morning. I was thankfully able to sleep pretty well last night in the hotel, which doesn't always happen the first night in a new bed. But, I did wake up at 5 AM (3 AM Colorado time!) wide awake and I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I read and took a shower.

Our hotel serves a yummy Bob Evans style continental breakfast so we went down for that and then just came back to the room to wait out the 2 hours before we'd have to leave for the clinic. I took it as a good sign that I hadn't heard anything from the clinic by the time we got in the car to drive there because I knew they had either thawed the embryos yesterday evening or this morning. The only thing I had any real anxiety about was whether or not the embryos had survived the thaw.

Shaun and I both had some nervous energy this morning just waiting to leave for the clinic so we did 100 jumping jacks and some other calisthenics to get our blood pumping and to use up all that energy:-) Once we got to the clinic we found out right away from the nurse that all four embryos had survived the thaw! I was so relieved and excited to hear that. She told us we'd be using the 2 that are eight cell and that they won't know for a few more days if the other two will be viable to be refrozen. I don't understand all of that scientific stuff but it sounds like they have to stay in culture for now, they can't just be immediately refrozen. I trust the Lord's hand with those 2 remaining embryos and will let you know what happens to them.

We were ushered into the procedure room where the embryologist showed us a picture of our two baby embryos. It was so amazing to see! Those tiny microscopic lives have everything they need to become the babies God created them to be. Then I had to have an ultrasound right away to get pictures of my uterus and make sure my bladder was full enough. Boy, was it full enough! I had to pee so bad, which is what they want, but it wasn't very comfortable as she pressed down onto my bladder.

 Seeing our two babies for the first time!

The doctor came in and did the transfer which only took about 5 minutes. It was slightly uncomfortable, the worst pain being some minor uterine cramps. We got to see the embryos get scooped up into the catheter by the embryologist and then the doctor implanted them. Laying there for 30 minutes on my back afterward was the worst part because I had to use the bathroom SO bad. I felt such peace and joy though. Finally those little lives are safe where they belong rather than being frozen in time.

Joy and relief that 2 embryos are now safe and snug

We fly home tomorrow evening and until then it will be lots of resting in bed as well as some low activity so I keep my blood flowing. Shaun and I are enjoying the peace and quiet and relaxation while our girls are having a blast with Oma and Opa.

Musings about these baby embryos

Our 4 baby embryos will be thawed in about 2 days and we will finally get to "meet" them. As it gets closer it is really starting to hit me that those 4 tiny lives have been entrusted to us and all I can really do at this point is pray that at least 1 or 2 will survive the thaw. Each embryo has something like a 40% chance of survival. It's hard to say exactly because I have read different stats on different websites. We feel so at peace about the Lord leading us to this point so I want to believe wholeheartedly that we will get through this experience and in 2 weeks have a positive pregnancy test. I told Shaun yesterday that I find myself mentally preparing for disappointing news, but I don't want to think negatively at all. I want to believe with all of myself that God has brought us to this place and has answered some huge prayers to get us here so it will happen. I know it's important to remain positive but I also am not God so I know I don't know anything for sure.

It's partly because I've faced so much disappointment in the fertility/infertility world that I honestly can't really even imagine getting a positive pregnancy test at this point. It's strange to know that I actually will be pregnant on Thursday. So, I've decided to be completely positive, to use positive words and believe that the Lord's purpose is for at least one baby to be born from these 4 embryos. I can deal with the heartache at the time it comes if I need to but why try preparing for something that may not even happen, right?

We found out last week that we will be thawing all four embryos, and all four were frozen on day three originally. We will be implanting the two healthiest looking embryos right away after the thaw rather than waiting to see if any survive to day 5 in the lab. Embryos are implanted either on day 3 or day 5. The nurse at the clinic asked us what we wanted to do and it was hard to know what is best. It's strange making these decisions because it is so unnatural, yet we have to make them. Ultimately though, I'm not sure it matters what day we implant them on because I truly do believe that whichever embryos are meant to live will live. I am thankful to serve a sovereign God who's hand controls even the tiniest 8 cell embryos!

I will keep you all up to date once we know more on Thursday after the transfer is complete!

One week away. How am I feeling?

So many kind and wonderful people have been so gracious to me this week.  Each person I have shared our journey with has been so excited and encouraging. So many people have prayed for us and are praying for us and these babies. I am mostly feeling relieved to be at this point, to be looking forward to next Thursday morning.

To sum up how I'm feeling I would say I am hopeful but realistic. I am very aware that we may get to the end of this journey with no baby to snuggle and no pregnancy to experience. But, I am also so excited about the fact that these babies have a great chance at life in a week. I completely trust the Lord's sovereign will for us and our family. That doesn't mean I won't grieve if I end up miscarrying, but ultimately it will be okay because God will give us the kids we are supposed to have and He will allow the embryos to live if He chooses to. That is something I have learned over the past 5 years of infertility, foster care, and adopting the girls. Through those challenges the Lord has moved in our lives, changing and molding us and for that I am so thankful.

So, I will continue with the meds, the prayers, and the planning of our trip to Detroit with excitement, hope and faith. Next Thursday will be here before I know it!

Overwhelmed by God's Faithfulness

I had a day last week that was rough. Things were getting stressful with the remodel we are doing right now which is taking up my time and making me feel like a distracted mom, Shaun is job hunting and working a lot, and then I find out that the drugs I will need to be on for the rest of the time up until a positive pregnancy test and 4 weeks later will be very expensive. I was having a difficult time trying to contact my insurance company to find out what they would and would not cover. I don't know if it's just me but I feel like my brain gets all fuzzy as soon as insurance people start talking to me with their confusing terminology. It just stresses me out!

Anyway, Shaun and I had a date planned for that evening (thanks to an Old Chicago gift card that needed to be used) and I was really looking forward to getting everything off my chest. My plan kind of back fired though because my stress only added to his stress and we began really questioning if embryo adoption was really the direction the Lord is leading or if it is something we are doing out of our own desires. Things in our lives are pretty crazy right now as Shaun transitions from full time employment to part time and we launch into seriously building our business. We are spending a lot on this remodel, and there will be some hefty adoption fees/medical bills to pay in the next couple of months. Finances are pretty tight and we are cutting down in every area possible. We have even decided to sell Shaun's beloved Jeep for the sake of what is best for our family right now!

I say all this not to complain, but to set up the rest of the story so you can get an idea of how I was feeling that day.....

We get to the restaurant and by this time we are both seriously questioning our own sanity in trying to do this embryo adoption right now, but we also recognized that God is able to do more than we can imagine and He would see us through any financial struggles if He chose to put us through that. So, we sat in our van and prayed. We prayed specifically for a clear sign of what to do next, a sign to show us that we should continue down the road of embryo adoption. I have truly from the beginning felt like it is the direction the Lord was leading but it's easy to start to question when things get tough.

Dinner ended up being enjoyable and we were able to put aside our worries for a bit to just enjoy each other and the yummy food. We decided to take a hard look at our finances together when we got home (in our family I manage the details of our finances so Shaun doesn't always have as clear a picture of everything like I do). After going over things, I realized that it would be about $5000 to complete this embryo adoption and our savings was quickly dwindling down. I wasn't sure what we were going to do.

Shortly after talking all of this over, we find out from a friend that she and her husband had decided about a month ago to give us $5000 but they just hadn't gotten around to actually giving us the check yet. She said they both felt led individually to give us this money because it wasn't their money anyway, it is God's money and so they are giving us this incredible gift out of the abundance that the Lord has provided them. I starting sobbing, completely overwhelmed by the Lord's faithfulness and ability to meet our greatest needs and even our greatest desires. I told Shaun and he simply said, “Well, I think we got our answer. We continue on with embryo adoption with the Lord's blessing.”

3 weeks!

Three weeks from today we will be boarding a plane to come back home from Detroit with 2 baby embryos safely nestled in my womb. That will be the most pregnant I've ever been and it's strange to think that right now I am soon to be pregnant. We know that there is no guarantee that I will stay pregnant but for the days following the embryo transfer until my first blood draw I will be the happy mommy of two more little ones.

I started my meds on Sunday and so far it's been easy. All I am doing is applying new estrogen patches every other day and taking a baby aspirin every day. I will go in for an ultrasound next Thursday to make sure my lining has thickened and then if all goes well I will start on progesterone and a couple other things a week after my ultrasound. Then, I will be ready for the frozen embryo transfer on October 2nd! I am getting excited!

Through all of this I continue to remind myself that the Lord is in control. We have prayed earnestly for guidance about how to build our family and we have been clearly led to this place. Now, we trust God to do as He wills and we hold fast to the hope that we will soon be parents again to one or two little embryo babies who need a loving home to grow up in. But, even if these babies don't survive we will trust in the good plans God has for our family.

Cysts Be Gone

I am very happy and relieved to report that my two giant cysts have been drained and we are on our way to the embryo transfer set for October 2nd! We decided to make a family trip out of this whole ordeal since we had to return to Detroit for the surgery. The girls made it through their longest road trip yet (16 hours) on Saturday when we arrived at Shaun's parents house in the Chicago suburbs.
We had a fun couple of days there before setting off again, just the two of us, to Detroit. We camped one night at a state park on Lake Erie, which was fun, but SO hot and humid. I am not used to that humidity being from Colorado for the past 6 years!

Yesterday was my surgery, it was a long day of waiting around because I didn't have to check in until 12:30, and surgery wasn't until 2:30. But, we made it. I was surprised to find out that I would be going under full blown general anesthesia, but I knew from December that anesthesia shouldn't be a problem so that set me at ease a little bit more.

Once I woke up and the anesthesia wore off, I was pleased to discover that I wasn't in any pain at all. And happily, this morning I feel the same way, as if I had never even had surgery. And I haven't taken anything for pain. So, all in all I am so glad we went this route. If I had gotten my cysts taken care of in Colorado Springs the doctors there all required me to have another laprascopic surgery which would have put me in 2 weeks of pain, unable to hold or carry my girls.

Holy Injection! But God continues to provide

In my previous posts I wrote about how I need to get my ovarian cysts drained before we can proceed with the embryo transfer in October. Well, in order to get my cysts drained I have to have one injection of a medication called Lupron Depot. This week was spent making multiple calls to a specialty pharmacy, my doctor, and my insurance trying to figure out the most cost effective way to pay for this medication. Never have I had to be on a medication that costs almost $900! 

I was grateful for the fact that my doctor's office has been trying to save me as much money as possible, sending in an application to try an qualify me for a coupon that would save me $125. I figured it was the best we could do, and that we'd just have to bite the bullet and pay the $775. Then, yesterday a lady from my doctor's office called and said that she spoke with the Lupron Depot drug rep and that they might have a sample for me to use, which would mean that it would be free. I couldn't believe my ears, but I let her know how thankful I would be if that ended up being the case. She called back later that day to confirm that they did indeed get a sample! 

A few days ago I was starting to stress over the medical costs we've started to incur, with notices starting to come in from our insurance company about how much we will owe for each appointment, test, etc. Then this amazing blessing happens and I find out we won't have to pay for the crazy expensive injection in a few days! It was like God was just reminding me that He sees me, knows me, and is providing our every need right now. 

Trusting that God is Able

Last week was filled with a lot of tears and frustration as I tried to figure out a solution to these cysts. I found out that the local fertility doctor and my gynecologist are not willing to do the more simple, less invasive procedure which is to drain the cysts vaginally. I am pretty adamant about avoiding another laparascopic surgery since I just had that done in December. Surgery carries too many risks, as well as about a 2 week recovery. Getting the cysts drained vaginally will take care of the problem and allow me to safely become pregnant, but it is much less invasive, requires only a local anesthetic, and there is usually no recovery time.

So, after many a phone call with several doctors, as well as an appointment last week with my gynecologist, we have decided we will go back to Michigan to have the same doctor who will be doing the embryo transfer do the procedure to drain my cysts. We will bring the girls with us on a road trip to visit Shaun's family in the Chicago area, and then Shaun and I will take a quick trip to Detroit to get this all taken care of. Our responsibilities at Eagle Lake Camp won't be done until mid-August so we will head to Chicago toward the end of August. We now have a tentative embryo transfer date of October 2nd. Everything is delayed about a month, but we know we need to take care of these cysts to give these embryo babies the best chance at life.

Shaun and I are feeling the strain of all the changes happening in our lives, with a major remodel under way on the home we are sharing with my parents, finishing up our time at Eagle Lake and beginning to go on the hunt for future employment, the medical and financial responsibilities of doing embryo adoption. It can all feel like too much sometimes, but we have reminded ourselves of what Jesus teaches in Matthew 6 about worry and about how He promises to provide for our every need. We do not need to fear or worry about tomorrow. We simply need to walk forward in faith, doing our part to serve God's kingdom faithfully. What a comfort for my soul on the tough days.

A Bump in the Road

Friday I had an ultrasound. The purpose of this ultrasound was to give the fertility doc a baseline to know what he's dealing with, specifically regarding whether or not I have cysts on my ovaries again. He told us that if the cysts were too large that I would need to be put on Depot Lupron for a little while and then have the cysts drained in order to proceed with the frozen embryo transfer.

My ultrasound revealed 2 large cysts. The one on my right ovary is bigger than the left at almost 8 cm. I gave that information to the doctor and he was very concerned that if we proceed with the fertility medications I have to be on for a month before the transfer that the cysts and endometriosis will only grow and then if I got pregnant and the cysts ruptured I could lose the baby and have other complications.

I almost started to cry on the phone with the nurse at the clinic because that was not the news I wanted to hear. I really hate the thought of surgery again but I also don't want to lose the baby if I were to get pregnant. I felt despair, like we had reached the end of the road because I only saw the $$$ that these extra procedures and medications would end up costing. We are coming to the end of our insurance with the Navigators and we were really hoping to get all the big procedures out of the way before the end of August. I went home and cried with Shaun and he and I prayed and talked over the next 24 hours about how we should proceed.

We decided we would rather walk ahead in faith and trust in the Lord and His provision, rather than fear and doubt. We know God promises to provide our needs if we seek His kingdom first. Now, a few days later I am still feeling very overwhelmed by this new bump in the road. There are a lot of appointments to make, coordinating between the clinic in Michigan with my local gynecologist, and now the possibility of adding another doctor into the mix because I may need a local fertility specialist to perform the procedure to drain my cysts.

I came to a realization tonight that the reason I am struggling so much with this news is because I really believed that the Lord would make this a smooth road. I knew before the ultrasound that all of this was a possibility but I didn't really think it was a possibility in MY case because I believed that God would prevent me from needing further medical treatment in order to allow me to give these embryo babies life. It's been good to recognize this in myself and go before the Lord with my sin. I am not God and I don't understand His ways. I can only walk with Him as He leads us on this path, taking one step at a time, one phone call at a time, one doctors appointment at a time until He either closes the door or we have the privilege of bringing a baby home.

I pray that God gives me courage to face each new test, phone call, procedure because this is the path we have chosen and believe He has guided us to.

First appointment with a fertility doctor

 Bob Evans is apparently favorite childhood restaurant of Shaun's from his years in Ohio (learned something new about my hubby!). He spotted one near our hotel so we had brunch there. We are only a few hours away from our appointment and getting excited and nervous.

After the appointment we had several hours to kill before needing to head to the airport. The Henry Ford museum was only a few miles away so we decided to walk around outside since we were too cheap to pay admission. Here is Shaun posing with Henry.

Whew! Back from a whirlwind trip to Detroit. Shaun and I are feeling encouraged. We had two big concerns and neither should prevent us from moving forward in this process of embryo adoption.

Our first concern was how my endometriosis and possibility of having ovarian cysts again would affect the success of this process. I really don't want to undergo another laparascopy to remove the cysts before being able to proceed with the FET (frozen embryo transfer). Thankfully the doctor agreed that I shouldn't need to remove the cysts if my next ultrasound reveals that they have indeed come back. He said that women who cannot get pregnant through natural means because of endometriosis usually do very well with IVF, or in our case, a process very similar to IVF. So that just confirmed to me that we are headed down a road that has a good chance to be successful!

Secondly, timing was a big question in my mind. Going into the appointment I was hoping and praying that we could work everything out to be able to do the FET sometime in the first half of September. I am at a perfect place in my current cycle for that to be possible so I am really excited to know that we will hopefully be able to do the transfer in September. Then I would have a due date of late May or early June if everything goes well and these embryo babies take hold and stay alive inside my uterus. We also confirmed that we will transfer two embryos. I am honestly still trying to wrap my head around the possibility of having twins again, but ultimately I trust God to give us the children we are meant to have.

A large part of our appointment was spent speaking with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist), getting all of our questions answered. He was very patient and soft spoken which I really liked. Then we spent a long time with a nurse going over all of my medication protocol for the next 2 months. I left feeling a bit overwhelmed and still confused but thankfully I will be in very close contact with her so she can make sure I am taking all the medication at the right time. She found out I am a registered nurse and was relieved because I am not freaked out about giving myself injections and she didn't have to train me in how to draw up and administer injections!

This fertility clinic was also really great about letting me get as many tests, medication, and appointments done through my local gynecologist as possible which will hopefully help financially because our insurance will cover more of those things when they are not being billed through a fertility clinic. I will find out today how much my local doctor is willing to help me out, but she has been pretty great about that so far so I don't think it will be a problem.

Overall it was a really good trip. We now know what to expect over these next 2 months, we had a positive experience with everyone at the clinic, and now I have the fun time of starting all sorts of meds, getting ultrasounds and bloodwork, and praying that everything stays on track for an early September FET.

Thoughts on the next few months

One week from today, Shaun and I will be boarding our plane to head to Michigan for the initial patient appointment at the fertility clinic. I am relieved that we are almost at that point because I have a lot of questions that won't be answered until we can speak with the doctor who will be performing the embryo transfer.

I find myself often wondering what the fate of these 4 embryo babies is. How many will survive the thaw? Will ANY survive the thaw? What will our next step be if this first try isn't successful?

I feel a responsibility to these 4 frozen lives and I just hope it all goes smoothly. But, ultimately I rest in the sovereignty of God. He knows each of those babies by name. He knows if any of them will ever walk upon this earth on this side of heaven. He knows the children He has for our family. It's exciting to imagine the possibilities and realize our family could be welcoming a new addition within the year. Yet, I brace myself at the same time, knowing this could all end with no babies in our arms, and all 4 in heaven. Lately I have also been feeling incredibly thankful for the 2 sweet girls who already fill my arms each day. This process would probably be much more difficult on me if I wasn't already a mom.

Don't think I am preparing myself for bad news. I trust the Lord to give us what is for His glory and our good. I guess I am just enough of a realist to know it may not end how we hope. I am mostly just thankful to be given this opportunity to give life to these babies and experience pregnancy at the same time.

I promise to post another update when we return from Michigan next week!

First Appointment scheduled

Last week we received an email from Snowflakes telling us that they had received all of the contracts from both the genetic family and from us! That means the genetic family didn't change their mind about letting us adopt their four embryos so everything is official. We have four little babies who are frozen in Michigan waiting for a chance at life. Writing that makes me smile. I am excited for what the next few months are going to bring. When we first began our journey with infertility 4 1/2 years ago it didn't take very many months for me to lose almost all hope of achieving pregnancy. This is the closest I have felt to pregnancy in 4 years and I am enjoying the anticipation and feeling of hopefulness. I pray often that the Lord would allow these babies a chance at life and that we would be blessed with another child in our family.

Last Friday I called the fertility clinic to schedule my initial patient appointment. We will have to travel to Michigan twice. Once for the initial appointment where they will do bloodwork and any other checks/tests needed to establish me as a patient. Then again for the actual frozen embryo transfer (FET). Shaun and I will be flying to Detroit on July 9th for the appointment on the 10th. Then we will fly back right after on a late evening flight. With this now on the calendar it's really sinking in! A close friend asked me in an email how I was feeling and this was my response:

"I'm feeling excited. Things are really falling into place. Sometimes I find myself worrying that they will find something wrong with me that will prevent it from actually happening when they run all the tests that are required but I am trying to rest in the peace of knowing God has it all under control and we felt led down this path. All we can do is take it one step at a time."

Understanding the cost of adoption

Building a family through adoption can be expensive. Although, I believe without a doubt that if God has called a couple to adopt, then He will provide the means necessary to bring their child or children home. When it comes to embryo adoption, we feel very much at peace about spending the money necessary to make this happen, and it also happens to be one of the most affordable adoption choices.

"Isn't embryo adoption going to cost you a whole lot of money? Isn't it basically just as much as doing in vitro?" is a question I've gotten a few times since we've decided to do this. The answer is no, it is actually much more affordable because we are not paying for the steps involved with actually creating the embryos and having them frozen.

Here is a breakdown of adoption costs for the various types of adoption. All this information is taken from our agencies webpage: www.nightlight.org because they handle all forms of adoption: embryo, domestic, international, and foster. I will be sharing some of our personal financial information simply as a means of making it real to those of you who may be considering adoption in one form or another.

Foster adoption is the least expensive form of adoption, but if a couple has their heart set on adopting an infant, it can be an emotional and challenging route to take. We adopted our twins through the foster system but it was never a guarantee that we would be able to keep them until we had loved them for 14 months. The Lord definitely called us to that at the time and gave us the strength to get through those long months. I think in the end the actual adoption costs were about $300.

International adoption is the most expensive choice and depending on the country you are adopting from, and the number of required trips, your total estimated costs for an adoption can range from $25,000 – $43,000

Domestic adoption comes next. In general, the cost of an agency adoption through Nightlight will be approximately $18,000. You will also need to hire an attorney for the finalization of the adoption. In general, depending upon the individual characteristics of your adoption and the cost of obtaining an attorney in your state, your total cost may be approximately $20,000 – $25,000. There are a few states that do not require you to adopt through an adoption agency which would significantly lower the cost of a domestic infant adoption, but Colorado is not one of those states.

Embryo adoption costs can vary greatly depending on if you choose to work with an agency or not. In the eyes of the law, embryo adoption doesn't really exist because embryos are considered property, not persons, but there are certain agencies who view embryos as life and therefore go through the same steps for an embryo adoption as is required legally for a domestic adoption. There are also websites you can find to be matched with a genetic couple, making it unnecessary to work with an adoption agency, but you would then need to hire your own attorney to manage the legal side of things. Shaun and I chose to work with an agency because we feel more comfortable with them dealing with the legal aspects. And, this way we know that the genetic family can be at ease about who we are due to the fact that we were required to have an adoption home study done. The extra cost was worth it in our minds.

Here is a breakdown of the cost of embryo adoption:

Snowflakes Program fee: $8,000, Home study agency fee: $1,000-3,000

Fertility clinic frozen embryo transfer fees: $3,000-5,000

TOTAL FEES: $12,000-16,000

We were able to forgo the cost of the home study since ours was completed through our foster care agency. And, we are travelling to the embryos in Michigan to do the frozen embryo transfer, which cuts $2000 off the program fee, so our total expenses will be right around $10,000 if the first transfer results in pregnancy. We are praying it does!

Contract is sent!

Two days ago we mailed in our adoption contract and largest adoption payment (more on the cost of embryo adoption in my next post). This means that everything will be official very soon and these 4 little embryo babies will be ours! It is exciting to think that we could only be several months away from actually being pregnant and I find myself wondering what the next year will hold. If everything goes as we hope then I could be pregnant at this time next year.

I am really trying to hold everything with an open hand at this point though because I know nothing is guaranteed. I have been reading many blogs about embryo adoption and the vast majority of couples have had success with getting pregnant and having healthy babies but there are a couple that have gone through the process and were never blessed with a baby. I am thankful that we are already parents so we are not putting our hopes of ever being parents into this endeavor, but I really do hope and pray that the Lord allows at least one of these four embryo babies to survive. We trust in His plan for our family and know He will bring the children He wants to us at the right time. If we give this embryo adoption thing a try and don't end up having a full term pregnancy and birth of a child, then at least we tried and we can close this chapter of our infertility journey knowing that birthing a child is maybe just not in the plan for us. I am excited to try! I feel like we are more likely now than ever to actually have this dream happen, so it's a joyful time of anticipation.

In the next several weeks we will be working with the fertility clinic in Michigan to schedule my initial appointment as well as plan out when we will actually do the transfer and what medical steps will need to be taken care of before that can happen. It will definitely be a learning experience because we haven't ever worked with a fertility clinic before now.

Is Embryo Adoption Immoral?

Even before Shaun and I knew we would deal with infertility and before I was even married, I already knew I would never try in-vitro-fertilization as a means of building my family. The idea of creating multiple embryos and then potentially never being able to give birth to them all didn't sit well with me. So, when we began considering embryo adoption, which seems very similar to IVF in many ways, I had to wrestle with the morality of reproductive technology again. I came across an article that addressed my main questions and I want to share it with you today.

By Russell Moore

I received an email from a man who was upset about a couple in his extended family who are pursuing a so-called "snowflake adoption," the adoption of a "frozen embryo" (to use, for clarity's purpose only, the satanically clinical lingo of the current era). This couple had been led to do this after reading Adopted for Life, so he wanted to correspond.

How, he wondered, could I support this kind of adoption when I am opposed (and I am, strongly) to in vitro fertilization (IVF), donor assisted reproduction, and other technologies that violate the one-flesh union and the relationship between love and procreation.The same thing, he argued, is going on here with a donor embryo being implanted in an adopting mother's womb.

First of all, there is no such thing as a "donor embryo."

Someone can donate sperm or ovum or even a heart or a liver, but no one can "donate" an "embryo." No one can "own" an "embryo." An "embryo" isn't a thing; he or she is a "who." Our Lord Jesus is the pinnacle of the image of God (Heb. 1:1-3). He was an "embryo" (Luke 1:42-43). The "embryonic" John responded to our Lord's "embryonic" presence in precisely the same way he responded to his adult presence on the banks of the Jordan River.

These so-called "snowflakes" are brothers and sisters of the Lord Jesus are stored in cryogenic containers in fertility clinics as the "extras" of IVF projects. They already exist, and the already exist as persons created in the image of God.

And there are Christians called to adopt them, to bring them to birth through pregnancy, and to raise them in love. To be sure, the numbers of children who can be adopted in this way are a microscopic percentage of the whole. And the numbers even of those who can be safely brought to birth is even smaller.

Isn't this simply an embrace of the kind of "Brave New World" Frankenstein technology we elsewhere lament?

No.

Adopting parents are not complicit in the "production" (I shudder to type such a horrible word in reference to a human creature) of these children. Again, the children are already conceived. The adopting parents are no more endorsing the technologies involved than parents adopting from an unwed mother are endorsing fornication or adultery.

Embryo adoption also doesn't carry with it the violence to the one-flesh union that comes with surrogacy or sperm donation, in which one spouse's genetic marterial is joined with a stranger's.

Embryo adoption would be problematic if the adoptions themselves became a further commodity in the buying and selling transactions of the reproductive technology business or if these adoptions were a widespread incentive for couples to justify the decision to "create" and freeze additional embryos. This is not, though, presently the case and doesn't appear to be likely to become so anytime soon.

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/russellmoore/is-embryo-adoption-immoral-11626568.html

Beginning the process

In continuation of my last post, I want to summarize how the process of embryo adoption has looked for us up to this point. First, we spent time praying about the direction the Lord wanted us to go because we did desire to grow our family with at least one more child. Our hopes of a biological child, after 4 1/2 years of infertility, are pretty much gone. We know if it is God's will for our family then it will happen someday, but I am starting to believe more and more that we were given a heart for babies who are already in existence for a reason. Maybe we are meant to love and raise children who the Lord has already created and given a soul, rather than create our own little ones. If that is the case, we joyfully accept the call, although the journey to get to this place has been difficult, sad, and full of grief. Our first two children, adopted through foster care, are proof that genetics has nothing to do with the love we have for our kids and we honestly wouldn't change our story even if we had the chance to do so.

Anyway, we started learning more about embryo adoption through the adoption agency that started it all back in 1997. If you are at all interested in learning more, check out their website at http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-embryo-donation-adoption/

We were really struck by a few things, first being the fact that these are babies whom God has given life to. They are already on earth and simply need to be given a chance at life. Second, there are over 500,000 frozen embryos in this country alone! And third, I would be able carry a child, providing the safe, healthy environment I so strongly believe in, through 9 months of pregnancy, and then get to experience child birth and breastfeeding. Pregnancy was certainly not the number one reason we were drawn to embryo adoption, but it was an exciting possibility after so many years of infertility. I have had years of longing to go through all the things a woman is supposed to be able to do with her body.

One thing that really helped to finalize our decision was the fact that our foster care agency graciously said they would send our newly completed homestudy to the adoption agency. This was huge because it would save us several months time as well as about $2000! It seemed that the Lord was opening the door for us to proceed with what was now becoming a pretty exciting possibility for building our family!

So, we officially began the embryo adoption process by sending in our application fee on March 18th. We then created a family profile that included a letter to the genetic family and a four page summary of who we are, including pictures. We decided right away that we want to have at least some degree of openness with the genetic family so whatever children we are blessed with will be able to have knowledge of their biological family. All the current research has shown that adopted children are better off emotionally and psychologically when they have access to this information.

It didn't take long for our homestudy to get transferred, and then all I needed was to get a document signed by my doctor stating that I can safely carry a child. Once all that was sent in, we had a matching interview with the adoption agency to make sure we would be matched with a family who fits our specific preferences. That interview was on Friday, April 25th, and by Wednesday, April 30th, we had received the information about a genetic family who had chosen us. It was astounding to see how quickly the match was made! Embryo adoption has the opposite problem that infant adoption has, and that is there are more genetic families that adoptive families, so getting matched does not take long!

We spent an evening praying about whether or not to accept the match, but there were no red flags going up in our hearts or minds, so the next morning we contacted our agency and said we would like to accept the match. Right now, we are waiting to hear more on what local clinic embryos will be shipped to. We have never worked with a fertility clinic so we are about to enter uncharted territory. It will be at least September before we can actually have our first embryo transfer done and I am unsure about what the next steps will be. Most likely there will be several preliminary medical tests required to make sure my body is good to go.

Reviving the blog

I am reviving this blog which has lay dormant for over a year. The reason? Shaun and I are embarking on an exciting adventure that we believe more people need to be educated about. What is this little known endeavor? Something called embryo adoption.

What is embryo adoption? Well, here is my summary of this new and exciting form of adoption:

Basically, when an infertile couple decided to do in-vitro-fertilization in hopes of having biological children, there are embryos created. Embryos are tiny little babies which are then either implanted into the woman, or frozen for future use when more children are desired. Once a couple has achieved pregnancy and have had as many children as they desire, there are often times extra embryos that are still frozen. What to do with these tiny embryo babies is a big deal to someone who believes life begins at conception.

The choices a couple is left with are to keep them frozen forever, destroy them, donate them to science, or give them to another couple through embryo donation/adoption. The decision to allow another couple to adopt their embryo babies can be a difficult choice to make, but one that is honoring to God, who has given life to the embryos in the first place. It is really incredible that these babies can be frozen for years and then when given a chance, become a full grown baby with purpose and meaning in life.

So, that is the direction the Lord has led Shaun and I after losing another newborn foster baby in February. We thought foster care was the direction we would go to add more children to our family, but it became very clear in February after baby T came and went, that we were no longer being called to foster care. It really astounds me to think back on beginning our journey through foster care, and how much peace we had. We endured a long 25 month case before our twin girls became ours legally, but though it all we never doubted that it was what we were supposed to be doing. Now, I know exactly why we had such peace though an incredibly emotional 2 years. We were intended to be Katie's and Addie's parents, and in the Lord's perfect timing we were there waiting for them when they needed a home.

Now, we anticipate meeting our future children, knowing that God has a perfect plan once again. We have moved quickly through the preliminary steps of embryo adoption, and once we were approved to be matched with a genetic family, it only took 3 days to be matched! We are very excited about what the future holds, and we pray that the genetic family is filled with much peace during this time as they are entrusting their genetic offspring into our care. I will follow with more details on the process up to this point in my next post. It's good to be back in the blogging world!