Is Worry My Idol???

Do you ever worry? Do you ever think constantly about something that is happening in your life that seems impossible and endlessly difficult and painful? I do. In fact, that has been my daily struggle for the past 6 months. It sometimes amazes me how I can flip from feeling total trust in God's plan to a place where I cannot see anything good coming from my situation. Oh, to be human. Oh, to be sinful and so far from the holiness that God calls me to!

For those of you who are like me, who worry and fret and live an anxiety filled life, I want to leave you with words from my daily devotional. This was yesterday's reading from the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.

WORSHIP ME ONLY. Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god. Worries, if indulged, develop into idols. Anxiety gains a life of its own, parasitically infesting your mind. Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in Me and refreshing yourself in My Presence. What goes on in your mind is invisible, undetectable to other people. But I read your thoughts continually, searching for evidence of trust in Me. I rejoice when your mind turns toward Me. Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep you close to Me.

Psalm 112:7 and 1 Cor. 13:11 

27

Today I turn 27 years old. I was reflecting this morning about how things aren't exactly how I expected them to be on this day to mark my 27th year. Two years ago we started trying to have a baby. I thought I'd have a one year old child by now. However, month after month the disappointment came, month after month I asked God why not me when so many of my friends were having babies?
In my heart I already knew the answer to that question. I've always felt that if God didn't see fit to give us biological children it would be okay because we would adopt. Adoption has always been something I've wanted to do, so maybe God would form our family through that means. However, I wasn't prepared for the pain that infertility brought.
Sometimes the journey we end up on is not one we would ever choose, but it is a journey that is necessary and filled with sweet blessings in the midst of the pain. Our sweet twin girls are one of those blessings. If you would have told me 2 years ago that we were going to do foster care and that we would come to love these two blond twin girls like our own even before they were officially ours, I would not have believed you.
I often think about the fact that if I had become pregnant on our timetable I would have missed out on knowing and loving these girls and the 3 sweet boys that we cared for before them. God knows what He is doing and this journey is teaching me to trust in His plans more than my own. There is still pain involved in the journey but with God's grace I choose daily to focus on the blessings more than the pain.

An Enemy Can Have Many Faces

Over the past couple of weeks I've really felt an urging by the Holy Spirit to pray for the twins' birthmother. I've specifically been praying that God would give me love for her. I've realized recently that in many ways I view her as my enemy. Not because she has ever done anything mean or spiteful to me. In fact, we have not spoken very much at all considering we've had her biological children in our care for the past 5 1/2 months. No, she is my enemy in my heart because I view her as the largest threat to us being able to keep our sweet girls.

All of this was really brought to a head yesterday because Shaun went to the latest court hearing and we found out that she is doing really well with her treatment plan. Our caseworker has assured us that reunification is not anywhere in the near future, but still, it doesn't make us feel very confident when we hear that the birthmother is doing well with her treatment plan. After all, the laws are all in place to protect the birth family's rights. Foster parents really don't matter at all until the rights of the birth family have been officially taken away.

As I just said, this latest news doesn't make us feel very confident- in ourselves and our own power to change the situation. However, we continue to believe that God can perform the impossible and being able to keep the girls is starting to sound impossible from a human perspective. Shaun has an especially strong faith that these sweet girls will be ours in the end. We just can't see it from our perspective right now.

We were praying over the whole situation last night and God really started to do a work in my own heart. I began to sense that the Lord wants to work in mighty ways over the next few months. Not just to let us keep the girls, but in a bigger sense, He wants to transform lives! God cares as much for the birthmother as he does for us. He wants us to show her His love. So far in this whole process we have done a pretty terrible job of that. We have only seen things from our perspective of wanting the girls. If we will be obedient in loving well, then God can transform not only her life and heart, but our hearts as well.

So, that has become my predominant prayer. May God give us supernatural love for the girls' birthmother and may our hearts and hers be transformed by the love of Christ. May she be able to make loving choices for her children and may the lives of these sweet little baby girls be protected and placed into the arms of the parents God has chosen for them.

I write this today because we covet the prayers of God's people. This is a very difficult road to travel down but God continues to lift us up. Will you join us in petitioning our Heavenly Father?