Hurdle #3

This morning we officially crossed over hurdle #3 when I received my results from my third and final blood test. The hcg level for this last test was 6067! Anything over 4000 is what we were hoping for. I am so encouraged that each test had such great numbers. Now to wait for my first ultrasound and find out if there are one or two babies in there! My hopes have always been to have a homebirth if I were to ever get pregnant, but in Colorado midwives cannot treat women pregnant with multiples. So, if it is a singleton I will go with a midwife. If it is twins I will go with my obstetrician. Time will tell and until then I will just enjoy being pregnant.

More good news

No, I didn't take a HPT. This is just an image from the web.

We got more good news this morning when my lab results showed up in my inbox. My HCG level was 995! This basically means the baby (or babies) are continuing to grow as they should be doing. My level on Monday was 154 and the numbers are supposed to double every 48 hours or so. One more test to go on Tuesday and then I am pretty sure the next thing will be an ultrasound at 6 or 8 weeks (right now I am 4 weeks 5 days). Things are starting to feel real. I still say to Shaun every day "I am pregnant! That is so weird to say. So surreal." 

It just goes to show you can never predict how things in your life will turn out. If you are reading this and you are wondering if you will ever be a mom or if you will ever get to carry a child, please don't give up hope. God sees you and knows your heart's desire. I am in awe of the way the Lord has written our story. Definitely not the way we would have written it, but abounding with blessing along the way. I am so thankful. We have two sweet girls who we didn't meet until they were 4 months old, but who are now 3 1/2 and the light of our lives! And, we have been blessed with the dream of experiencing pregnancy by giving life to embryo babies that were frozen over four years ago. Amazing, just amazing.

Results are in.....

The past couple of days have been longer than the first 10 all together but I survived the dreaded 2 week wait. Although in my case it was actually 12 days. I also resisted the temptation to pee on a stick! But, alas, I finally got the results we've been waiting for and I AM OFFICIALLY PREGNANT! I honestly never thought I'd say that until the idea of embryo adoption because a reality about 6 months ago. Then there was hope again.

The numbers looked great today, exactly where they should be for 4 weeks pregnant. Now I will have another blood draw on Friday and another next Tuesday because I guess sometime the first reading can be good and then the embryos could stop growing and numbers could drop down again. But, we are not expecting that and we remain positive and expectant of wonderful blessings for our family with the knowledge that there is life within me. We have crossed this first hurdle and it feels great!

In honor of my twin girls

Today's post is in honor of the two little ladies whom I have the privilege of mothering each and every day. There was a time not too long ago that I wondered why God gave me such a strong desire to be a mother if He would withhold that blessing. Then, on July 20, 2011, I met for the first time two blond haired, blue eyed, tiny babies who stole my heart right away. They just felt like ours! Fourteen months went by as I loved them as my own even though there was another woman who called herself mommy, who saw them three times a week, who loved them in her own way but in the end just couldn't be the kind of mother that they needed. Katie and Addie, you made me a mommy, the only title I ever really wanted. I feel so blessed and privileged to wake up and get to spend each day with you.

 I have been pondering how I will respond if next week I don't get a positive pregnancy test (even though I am fully expecting and planning for a positive!). I feel very confident and hopeful, but I also know I am not God and cannot say for sure what is going to happen. The past 4 years have had their share of heartaches for me as we walked through infertility, then we started foster care and had to say goodbye to all four of the little boys who were entrusted to us even though we would have happily adopted any of them. Knowing that Katie and Addie are permanently part of our family and that I will forever be their mommy has made all of that heartache worth it. It has also helped me to realize that if for whatever reason, a baby isn't the end result of this journey, I will be okay. If we were going through this and it was our last shot at becoming parents I know it would be hard on a whole different level. The Lord has taught me much about contentment. I can and will be content with the family He has given me no matter what. I'm sure I will still grieve if these baby embryos don't survive but I completely trust God's plan for them and for us. It's a great place to be!

Update on the other 2 embryos

I got a call from the nurse at the clinic yesterday. She informed me that the other two embryos did not survive. I trusted those embryo babies to the Lord, knowing what happened would be good and right. Shaun and I had already decided this is our one time shot due mainly to finances but also due to my health with my recurring ovarian cysts and endometriosis. If those other two embryos had survived we would have had to let the genetic family choose another family to adopt them. Now these two embryos that are growing inside of me are the last remaining genetic children of a very selfless and generous family in Michigan. We are so thankful for the gift they have given our family and we will continue to pray that they both keep growing and thriving.

When we got home from our trip on Saturday the first thing one of the girls said was, "Did you get a baby?" I showed them both the pictures of the embryos and explained that I did get two babies but that they are teeny tiny and growing inside of my tummy. They both asked to kiss the babies in my tummy. It was a precious moment. We've been praying each night with the girls for the babies that will be in my tummy so they definitely have some concept of what is going on, but it's fun to hear it from the mouth of a three year old.

I will have my first pregnancy test next Monday, October 13th. It will be a blood test and I probably won't get the results until Tuesday. I don't want to spend the next week worrying and obsessing over every little possible symptom. I realized yesterday that this is in all likelihood the only time I will ever be pregnant so I want to enjoy each day rather than spending the beginning of the pregnancy anxious and concerned. Life will go on as usual for the next 8 days and I want to just enjoy the thought of two precious lives growing inside of me. I know for most women pregnancy is just a normal occurrance that happens sometimes without even trying, something that can be taken for granted, but for me, it is a miracle I had given up on about 4 years ago. It is strange to have hope again. It is strange to think I could be counted as one of the pregnant ones!

I am debating about whether or not to take a home pregnancy test on Sunday or not. I feel like it would just be a waste of money and I also don't want to get a false reading and either have false hope or false disappointment. What do you think? Should I do a home test or not?

Embryo Transfer Day!

This verse sums up why we chose embryo adoption. God has knit these tiny lives together from the moment of conception and they deserve a chance.

For all of you who have asked for a more detailed update, here it is! We are thrilled to announce that 2 healthy 8 cell three day embryos were implanted into my uterus this morning. I was thankfully able to sleep pretty well last night in the hotel, which doesn't always happen the first night in a new bed. But, I did wake up at 5 AM (3 AM Colorado time!) wide awake and I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so I read and took a shower.

Our hotel serves a yummy Bob Evans style continental breakfast so we went down for that and then just came back to the room to wait out the 2 hours before we'd have to leave for the clinic. I took it as a good sign that I hadn't heard anything from the clinic by the time we got in the car to drive there because I knew they had either thawed the embryos yesterday evening or this morning. The only thing I had any real anxiety about was whether or not the embryos had survived the thaw.

Shaun and I both had some nervous energy this morning just waiting to leave for the clinic so we did 100 jumping jacks and some other calisthenics to get our blood pumping and to use up all that energy:-) Once we got to the clinic we found out right away from the nurse that all four embryos had survived the thaw! I was so relieved and excited to hear that. She told us we'd be using the 2 that are eight cell and that they won't know for a few more days if the other two will be viable to be refrozen. I don't understand all of that scientific stuff but it sounds like they have to stay in culture for now, they can't just be immediately refrozen. I trust the Lord's hand with those 2 remaining embryos and will let you know what happens to them.

We were ushered into the procedure room where the embryologist showed us a picture of our two baby embryos. It was so amazing to see! Those tiny microscopic lives have everything they need to become the babies God created them to be. Then I had to have an ultrasound right away to get pictures of my uterus and make sure my bladder was full enough. Boy, was it full enough! I had to pee so bad, which is what they want, but it wasn't very comfortable as she pressed down onto my bladder.

 Seeing our two babies for the first time!

The doctor came in and did the transfer which only took about 5 minutes. It was slightly uncomfortable, the worst pain being some minor uterine cramps. We got to see the embryos get scooped up into the catheter by the embryologist and then the doctor implanted them. Laying there for 30 minutes on my back afterward was the worst part because I had to use the bathroom SO bad. I felt such peace and joy though. Finally those little lives are safe where they belong rather than being frozen in time.

Joy and relief that 2 embryos are now safe and snug

We fly home tomorrow evening and until then it will be lots of resting in bed as well as some low activity so I keep my blood flowing. Shaun and I are enjoying the peace and quiet and relaxation while our girls are having a blast with Oma and Opa.